Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Being Readable

I told Jay I was going to blog up on this. *crossly* In the past week, three people have said that I am readable. An open book. Predictable. Or blatantly obvious through my behaviour patterns of what I say or think.

Eeep. Have you any idea how sad that is? It basically means that a person is boring. I have flattered myself – wrongly – that I can actually hide some of what I say or think. That part of the real me, the me that makes me me, isn’t obvious to the open world.

Of course, as with most things, there must be some plus sides as well as down ones. This could be one of the reasons that people learn to trust me fairly quickly. They know who I am, what I am and that there’s no darker side to me that could turn on them sooner or later – unless they turn on me. (I won’t deny that I can be very nasty if I have been betrayed in any way – even childishly so.)

But it is incredibly annoying and disturbing to find that people can predict me easily. And that I am open. And what’s even worse is, I have no idea that I am so, in what way, and therefore have no idea how to change.

It is horrid to discover that that could be the reason why people use me to lean on for a while/have me as a friend for a while and then drop the friendship. It means they are growing more mature, and I am not. That once they have learned how to read and predict me, I soon become boring and they move on to a new person with depth of character.

I feel like a little girl for even bothering to blog this. *groan* I’ve got to change me somehow! How in the world can I stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, being such an...immature person/little girl, and build up walls to stop myself becoming hurt again?! I seriously don’t know how to go about it. :(

I know fixing my eyes on Jesus will take my eyes off myself, but is that going to change my personality to stop being such an emotional, otherwise boring nonentity?!

~ Janie