Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Sunday, December 05, 2010

From the Land of Dreams

Thinking about whether to flick the central heating on...but my sister says it's already too warm. I'm freezing though, sitting here curled up on the posh mauve pink chair in my fluffy baby pink dressing gown over my schoolgirl pinafore. Ooh, aren't there some dressing gowns you adore!

I guess I'm sitting here scribbling for lack of motivation to do anything. I mean, I need to doctor some photos, write a story, write a poem on snow, and write other blogs with more meaning. Just in a lazy mood and not doing it. :P

My baby niece, Ayanna, is lying in front of me, asleep on her bouncing chair. I am balanced on the edge of the seat with one foot on the wire edging, ready to start rocking again if she stirs (which is occurring every few minutes!). My sister lies huddled up to my right on our sofa bed, asleep; exhausted by long feeds, very little sleep, stress and depression.

On the final Friday of my two-week sojourn at my sister's to help her round the house and provide emotional support, her husband picked a fight with her over Ayanna, practically dropping the little one back in her basket from a fair height. Mom came round that night to stay, as I was doing the NIA Military Tattoo the next day, and boy, she was angry. Later that night, Dad and I get a phone call to say she'd finally convinced Sam to come over to stay with us for a while.

As procedures move on, it looks like we're definitely headed for a second divorce in our family (in my lifetime). Tell you something, it's an awesome and aweful thing to watch procedures move towards a divorce. But does, "for richer, for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish/honour and obey" also include "through abuse and ill treatment, through provocation and spite, through drunken crazes...." etc?
Sam and 'Yanna are camping on our living room floor. I glance around to see baby things everywhere; nappies, baskets, changing mat, bathtub, clothes galore....and my poor sister's living out of a suitcase too. Dennis, for now, is buying time to attempt to get another visa, and is not moving out to let Sam and Ayanna go home. We think she will be here over Christmas.

Little Ayanna's mouth is puckered down in a pretty pout. Say, I've never seen a baby as stunning as this. Even if last night's one hour solid BOUNCING took all the strain on my back. :P

Around me, the tinsel, stars, angels, snowmen, little sheep, candles and other little Christmassy knick-knacks are blossoming up on the walls.

Tell you something...I never knew there was such a knack to bouncing babies. Glancing down at Yanna as she stirs again, I have to attempt to judge just how asleep she is to put the effort into the bounce. Too much bounce and she could waken...too little and she could start screaming. Depends on how much awake she is!

I keep checking my phone, too...a young fellow I met at last week's Tattoo, an Army sergeant called Duncan, asked for my phone number. He's quite nice, smart, educated...we've been swapping texts daily for a week now. It's under my sister's supervision at the minute...which CAN be slightly uncomfortable. :P

Our first Christmas cards appeared at the end of own first personal one popped through the letterbox today, from my dear elderly next door neighbour, Auntie Dorothy. I love my neighbours round here, and they mostly all like me too. Even the Muslim chap at the top of the road will stop his taxi to exchange words with me, and the Muslim lady across the road will always smile, wave and say hi! For a bad neighbourhood, we really do have gems among the cookies. ;)

Sam is really tired...I can tell that from the deepness of her breathing. How long 'Yanna will leave us in peace though is questionable...I have to keep breaking off in the middle of typing just to bounce her back to sleep. Her eyes are rolling under their black lashes and her teeny brown hands are fluttering in the air. But say, she's one sweet little bundle when she's asleep in a fat ball as you cuddle her.

I've been sleeping downstairs every night on the floor with Sam, just to try and rock Ayanna when she's screaming so Sam can get some rest, and keep an eye on the feeding times. (Yes, I've messed up twice when I've been half asleep and wrote the end up with something like 3:45 - 3:24...and you know it's not 4:24...and you wonder what the blazes it is. :\ :D)

It's extremely hard work for someone who's used to a fair bit of sleep and is NOT a morning person. In fact, as I sit here, I'm wondering yet again, as I enter my fourth week of most-time baby-sitting, what exactly God's doing giving me this to do. Is this an attempt at wearing me out completely, taking me off my computer (although I have the blessing of being able to go on til 3 am :P) a weird sense of humour (c'mon, we all know the Lord has one!) or else an effort to teach me self denial and patience? :P

One of my friends had the audacity (just teasing, Kiehl! ;) ) to say that God was preparing me for motherhood! XD I hardly think so, but I'm wondering what lessons in this He intends to use in my career plan!

Sometimes...sometimes I almost hate holding 'Yanna. When she's hungry and she turns her head to me, the desire to feed her is...extremely strange, considering she's no child of mine. :P I love her very, very much and would willingly do anything to serve her...even staying awake, crying and bouncing her for a solid hour....:P

Tending her and helping my sis, my career has suddenly seemed to become second place and dull. I really, really need to keep my eyes centred on my goal. Or "woman" might kick in over "common sense". ;)

So yes...surrounded by dreamers and dreaming my dreams. I hope you don't mind me sharing part of my afternoon with you!

Love and God bless,
~ Janie