Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Simple Pleasures

Zooming along the road at the maximum speed limit, window wound down completely, she rested her crossed arms on the edge of the door to lean out as far as possible. Rock beating its vibrant pulse into her ears, she tilted her head back to let the exhilirating feel of the cold rushing wind push against her, flowing through her hair and fiercely beating against her face.

All too soon, the journey ended and they arrived home.

Stopping to peer at her disheveled appearance in the mirror, the girl hastily tried to pin wild, wayward, wispy curls into her severe bun, and regain the generally tidy arrangement of her hair and clothing before running to take the dog out for a walk. Her usually languid apathy had vanished into sparkling eyes, wind-flushed cheeks and a happy smile.

The actions of an eight year old girl, correct? I mean, a girl in her teens, even early teens, has to have her makeup perfect, every hair in place, the jewellery in place, the correct accessories with the matching clothes, with the most up-to-date technical items.

Well. I'm eighteen. And I'm most comfortable in my old blue cardy-jacket, a battered Walkman with one dodgy earpiece, leaning as far out as I dare without upsetting my Dad or the law, to feel the violent force of the wind pushing against me. I don't usually care about the chill factor either. In fact, if you want to see me at my most excited and happy, take me for a car ride and let me ride with the window down and my head out. I adore it.


Taking the dog for a walk. In the fresh coolness of the afternoon. The little green island in the centre of our cul-de-sac is where I walk our dog mostly. It has five large, leafy trees scattered over it.

The grass is a soft shade of green, spangled with raindrops. The earth has a fresh, soft, new smell to it that it always holds after rainfall. Autumn has announced her presence as she slowly begins to shake the leaves from their weakening hold on the branches with her soft breezes. She will keep the violent gusts for later.

Crimson and gold leaves, spangled with traces of their original vivid green, carpet the grassy floor with vibrant colour. The golden leaves, with tints of olive around their edges and faint tan in the middle, may be attractive to some, but the deep redness of the others bring out some echoing response in my soul. I love their flaming beauty.

Then raise my eyes to the sky. Creamy puffs of cloud roll playfully over each other in the soft misty blue of the sky. A cool wind blows, shedding more leaves from the trees. I look back down as a tan-and-grey blur zips past me. My excited little dog, Sparkie.



Scrabbling in the thick dark soil with his back paws, to cover a moss-rooted tree, he also aims to shower his walker - innocently, I'm sure. *rolls eyes* The fresh earthy smell only enhances the clean scent left by the rain.


Simple pleasures. Not an iPad. Not the latest invention in computer technology, an intriguing device, the latest rave in pop idols or the highest starred fashion item. Just simple. Restful. And beautiful.



I write this partly because I wanted to tell of my love for riding with my head out the window, and partly for my big sister C'rissie. Hope you like it, dear! :)

Monday, September 20, 2010

Apologies

Do not expect a post from me for a long while. I have taken a massive step backwards. And for now, I am too defiant to care. Do not attempt to pry below the surface or you will get a backlash you do not anticipate.

Glad what I wrote yesterday was of some encouragement to you. Please continue to follow the good ways in the Only Way.

God bless.
Janie.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Fatherhood and Marriage

I have just put down a book by author and pastor Robert Lewis, called Raising a Modern-Day Knight after an hour's perusal. Or flicking through and reading the bits that caught my eye.
It's all about talking to fathers and trying to guide them on how to relate to their sons. Showing them how much their sons need them to look up to; how much they need to be there and give love and support and affirmation and identity to their sons. At least, that is what I took from it.

Why did I pick it up? Because. I was in one of my own usual moods; I was sitting next to my own dad and listening to some remarks between my parents - and I leaned back in my chair at the table and cast my eyes up at the bookcase next to me. This caught my eye, and I reached up and pulled it down, smiling satirically. Now, this should be interesting to see. What Biblical men really should be like, huh? HAHAHA. Because, as I've mentioned before, I have a pathetic amount of distrust, dislike and disrespect for most guys.

I finished my rough perusal, I put it down and I cried. Because long ago, that idea had passed from my mind. I cried for my brother, who has never been able to reach his father although he has tried so often and so hard. I cried for my half brother, who never in his life has had a man to look up to - and the two Christian men he found in his later teen years completely destroyed his view of them. I cried for my father, who pulled back from my half brother and my brother because he himself never had that love and affirmation from his own father. I cried for three generations of men that have never had a father-son bond. And I vowed that it will stop here, right now, with me.

So help me, God, I will not marry a man I cannot see trying to provide support and encouragement in Christ for the guys around him. If he cannot be an older brother or even, young father in Christ to the younger guys around him, as well as a younger one to older guys, how can he ever make a good father to my sons? And to be party to bringing up a fourth generation of hurting sons is completely against God's will and therefore mine.

Without a man to look up to, no wonder that they cannot be proper fathers to their own children. No wonder that three generations of my family has ended up with permanently damaged marriages. With children out of wedlock.

Can things so small as this cause a hang up of over 50 years? It seems to be so. How small. How infinitely large. How much effort. How much value. Oh God...I don't know what to pray. But I pray for them. For my father. For my brothers. For my brothers in Christ who may be going through the same. And for my brothers in Christ who experience a father's love and guidance, and do not realise it fully or accept it at half the value it is worth.

Of course. This lead onto marriage - a subject I was going to post on anyway. I was awed as I looked at the responsibilities for a guy in a marriage. In fact, the whole subject has me awed, it's so scary. And frightening. Because one tiny step out, one tiny thing wrong, can wreck lives completely.

A guy needs to be in complete touch with God. In complete love with his wife, by choice. And be able to be a father figure - a knight, if you will - a protector and some one to lean on for his daughters, as well as someone to respect. And for his sons, to be able in all of his other busy life (for after all, this is only the family sector, never mind work or church!) to be there for them, to be someone for them to admire and look up to, to be humble and strong, to admit faults willingly...in fact, while one knows that Christ is the only perfect Husband, one begins to think He probably should be the only one! ;)

And the topic I was looking at anyway was, girlies, what would be mine and your responsibility in a marriage. And to do this from my point of view...is definitely scary.
To be able to love God with all of my heart and be devoted to serving Him and His will, and consistently spending time with Him.
To constantly put God before myself and not lean on a husband - as we would be so very apt to do.
To be able to recognise the limit on how much support and affirmation we should take from husbands and fully rely on God for it. My, that line would be a hard one to trace!
To be able to be supportive, always respectful, always cheerful. Even though we have independant minds and won't completely agree, but to actually bypass that and accept that what he says goes. OW. Yeah.
Not only that, but our lives should be partly wrapped around our children. We need to be the kind of woman that our sons should look to to define what wife he would want. We need to be able to be there and devote our time to building close relationships with daughters so that we are their best friend and imput wise advice to their lives. All the time recognising our own frailty and that we are human, and trusting God to give us the words to say even while recognising that we may still say the wrong things.
Of course - add to this running a home, physical needs, daily living, schooling.

WOW. How many people are actually ready for marriage? I'm looking at that and thinking - I wouldn't ever be!

Am I cheating taking the single way out? :) I don't know. Giving my life completely to serving God without the distractions all this would entail seems to me a wiser choice.

God bless,
~ Janie

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Hope That Is Within: M' Business: GJX Hosting

The Hope That Is Within: M' Business: GJX Hosting: "I don't think I mentioned this on here, but then again most of ya'll probably already heard from other channels, but, I started a Web Hostin..."

If any of you are looking for a place to host your website, this is a great company and both VERRRRY affordable and very trustworthy. Please recommend to your friends, too! ;) :D

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Poema

I have never connected my two blogs before, deliberately. Why I am doing so now, I question myself and cannot answer.

My latest poem, on my blog Poema, is something I have never tried before. An unrhyming, unrhythmed poem.

And underneath that link? A song by Relient K.

Saturday, September 04, 2010

Striking a Deal with God

Suddenly, the realisation struck me that to gain a kind of peace of heart, I have made a compromise, and not a complete surrender to God of my life.

When I made the apology to Jay and Kyle over attacking marriage (because I have done so, using arguments I knew were wrong to forge a defensive/aggressive position, as I felt threatened), I said I was sorry for doing it because I'd realised that my strength for singleness must come from a reliance on God, not by attacking the opposing view. And I definitely felt happier after apologising for it.

The compromise is that I seem to have come to a point of "making deals" with God. Of all things. "I'll apologise and stand up for the majority of marriage, if You leave me alone and help me be single and carry on my life the way that I'm comfortable with it going," sort of thing.

That doesn't mean I don't feel I have a call on my life to enter the Royal Air Force and to serve God and serve my country in doing so - both things which I feel very, very, very passionately about. It simply means I close my eyes to any other things which I feel may pull me away from this...even if I'm not happy closing them.

I'm still not certain as to whether it was a definite call. I think it was. But then, why am I so defiant as to other options? Why can't I calmly accept God's will and go forward? Can He not grant me the grace? Isn't it sin that attempts to pull me away from the call?

Part of the reason I deny complete surrender, (which I technically could give even while continuing to aim for the RAF, leaving options open; it's just that then I have no security or certainty) is because I am scared STIFF of being forced to get married and being forced to work with mentally disabled people that means I will end up living the rest of my life like I've lived the first 18 years. With pressure, tension, stress, broken people, aggression and violence. Selfish? I know. But I wish you knew how scared I am of it.

Striking a deal with God. Compromising on allowing Him control in my life. NOT a good idea. But I'm too terrified of the alternative to let go completely.



If only I could. Why can't I? Why can't you? Why can't we?

~ Janie