Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Waiting

Waiting here, waiting for You, God,
With our hopes and fears we come.

~Tenth Avenue North, Lift Us Up To Fall



Ah me, I do love that band. A song that's appropriate for practically any situation.

Waiting, waiting. You all know me. I am not the most patient of people. And that is probably the understatement of the year. I'm bull headed and I bash my head up a door - any door - no matter how thin or thick, until I get an answer. And if it's not the answer I want? Well.

Why, at this time in my life, has God called me to wait upon Him? Over the next few weeks, a life changing decision over what I will do with my future will be made. Me being me, I want an answer RIGHT NOW. I mean, who wants to wait while it's happening? There's a great possibility of pain at the end, while, on the other, a possibility of more waiting.

I'm starting to realise that as I pray and seek God's Will over this, that NO MATTER WHAT the outcome is, that He's giving me a unique growing-and-learning experience in Him. He's teaching me to wait patiently for His answer, in His good time. And I know that His timing will be perfect, and His answer will be for the best.

No, there is no way on the planet that I'm looking forward to more pain. The last time, I had to cut out a great part of me, crush it, pulverise it, trample on it. It hasn't healed and probably, now, never will. And I'm not looking forward to a longer lesson in patience either - although I would prefer it far, far beyond the former. Infinitely more. But either way, this time, I know my trust is in God. I know my friends are upholding me in prayer. And I know that God is a very real and very close Reality to me right now.

Sure, I'm having an awful time waiting. Times when I sit there and cry. Times when I want to scream at the sky and stomp my foot and DEMAND to know the answer now to stop this awful anticipation. Times when I despair that God will do the best thing. Times when I think that no matter how hard I beg and plead that my dream comes true, even saying Thy Will be done, that His Will will be the total opposite of what I wish and that I will collapse at the end of it all.

But His love is over, It's underneath, It's inside, It's in between. (Times, Tenth Avenue North). And there is a very real sense of the Presence and the Love of God very close around me.

And even though I have conflicting emotions of hope, doubt, fear, despair, peace and joy, there is an underlying sense of consistent peace. I know God has His hand on this. On me. And that He controls me, my life, my future. Whatever that may be.

You're a child of the King,
The Creator of dreams.
And your faith is the key
Unlock the door and then you'll see.
He but speaks and it is done.
Soon the battle will be won.
He has a victory for you,
And He'll make sure your dreams come true.

He makes dreams out of nothing.


But only dreams that are given of Him. Father, no matter the outcome, I will praise You. You're my King, You're my God. Thy Will be done.

Pray for me.

~Jane