Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

What You Miss When You Sleep!

Tonight, as you all know, OYANers convene in Olathe, Kansas. I'VE MET SOME!!!!!! *screech*
We have, staying at the Garners, Wayfarer - Lindsey, Hakuna Matata - Erynn, Narniahannah - Hannah.

Downstairs in the basement, silence and peace surrounds the sleeping forms of Rachel (Nairam), Grace (Grace), Carolyn, Erynn and Hannah.

Um. Not in the corner of the next room on Jane's bed where Lindsey and I are curled up with my computer exploring Google Earth. At nearly 2 am. Lindsey moves over because of cramp in her foot and nearly sits on my eyelash curler.

Me: Watch it!
Lindsey: Oh, it's an eyelash curler.
Me: Yes! It goes squeeze, umph and the eyelashes curl up.
Lindsey: I know, I have one! Mine's Mary Kay. It's less sophisticated.
Me: What's Mary Kay?
Lindsey: You don't know who Mary Kay is...?
Lindsey: She's like this big make-up and skin care entrepreneur and she's really famous. Did you know Mary Kay even has her own copyrighted colour of pink? They even have pink Mary Kay Cadillacs.
Me:....what's that?
Lindsey: You don't know what a cadillac is?
Me: No...
Lindsey: *googles*
Me: *looks at photos* OH! I thought you said CATTLE AXE!
Me: *types in Cattle Axe*
Google: Searching for "battle axe". Click here for results for "cattle axe".
Lindsey and me: ROFL.

We googled Americans because we were trying to think of other things to Google. For fun, y'know? We're writers. It's 2. We do crazy stuff like that. Even like writing it out to blog on here. :P

Me: SCROLL UP! SCROLL UP! Is that Tenth Avenue North??
Lindsey: Where?? *scrolls up*
Me: There! *points* Or is it Relient K?
Lindsey: *waves pointer over* Er - that's all American Rejects...
Consequently - choking.

Lindsey: I'm going to Google cadillac again because I don't trust America...I DIDN'T MEAN THAT!
Me and Lindsey: XD

And now we're sitting here typing this out and discussing it like writers...and snatching the computer off each other...

This is at 1:42 am. What we'd be missing if we were sleeping... :P

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Oyster and the Sensitive Plant

A few more thoughts popped into my head before I shoot off to bed at what is rapidly approaching 3:00 am. Yes, I know...this is the latest I've been up in the last week and a half. :P

I have a habit of holding myself up to other people that I admire or are admired for the right reasons - consciously or subconsciously - and condemning myself for the lack therein of the good characteristics. A criticism, if given in a rough, blunt and ungentle manner, can be worse than a knife to me, and that comparison is not given lightly.

One of the habits I have, that has often caused me grief and pain, is my openness of emotion and free expression of thought, etc. It has been condemned, by me, by others, and I've learned to look on it as a bad thing, to be as open as I am with people.
I'm not meaning we should cry our every feeling out to the open public (ie, Mrs. Bennet); as little valued as it is, they'd be bored and we'd be hurt - not to mention the lack of privacy or of providing oneself with mental food.

I notice in my attempt at learning the human race, that those most valued and usually the most precious kind of jewel are those that hide themselves away, that keep themselves to themselves and rarely share thought or emotional expression.
That really messed me up - with the afore mentioned consideration that I condemn myself for lack of good characteristics.

Some brief thoughts just crossed my mind, though, and I want to post this for anyone out there feeling the same way.

There are two kinds of people (more than that, but for this classification. ;)) One is the Oyster person. The other is the Sensitive Plant person.*

The Oyster person is also known as the closed person. A shell around everything they think, feel and know, they only share select information with select few - those whom they trust. If you manage to get inside the shell of an oyster person, it's rare you don't find a beautiful pearl within. Oyster people are well worth getting to know.

The Sensitive Plant person could also be called the open person. Exposing themselves to the world, they're often trampled and rudely treated, but they still rise up again to face the world and bloom for those who need them.

I'm not going to provide a defense for the way I am. Because though I have many faults that need to be changed, some things are part of my character and shouldn't be changed. I know quite a few of you won't agree that being open is a good thing. And please, I'm not condemning or criticising those who aren't - I'm trying to encourage anyone out there who feels the same as me.

God made me the way I am, for a reason. There's a beauty of many facets to those of us who are "open" people, even as there's a pearl inside so many of the "closed" people. It surprised me to learn that people out there appreciate the openness at times. They feel they can come to us in hard times for love and care - and they know it's there for them. (Again, not saying this doesn't happen to the closed people. Just saying it's mutual.) It's an honesty that hurts - us the giver and those the receivers. It takes a beating by the critiquers of our characters.

Don't beat yourselves up over being different. Don't listen to those who criticise without a pinch of salt. It's not worth spending your lives trying to change something that someone might need - even if it's the minority. God loves you just the way you are. Open or closed. And in the end, that's all that matters.

*Note: The examples may not be of the best, but they seemed to demonstrate what I wanted.

A Short Comment:




I Am Nineteen, Going on Twenty...

I want to write tonight, and I’ve no idea what to write about. So many things are whirling about in my head; I feel as if I’m in a dream. I’m looking at the cards next to me and find it almost impossible to believe that today I enter my twentieth year.
Nineteen years old. 6935 days spent on this planet – not counting before I was born. 166440 hours spent on earth – and what have I done for Christ? I have only one life. One life to live. I can use it for good or ill.

Actually, I can’t. I can use it for ill, or I can surrender it in its entirety – every act, thought, word, deed – into the Hands of God. Only He can use it for good. For His glory.

I look back over the past nineteen years. I’m tempted to look at the darkness. The messed up childhood. The living for myself even after I surrendered my life to Christ at 6. The suicidal depression in my early teens. My heart, sworn to Christ and purity, that I take to give to a worldly guy who never wanted it. The websites. The black depression. My failed witness at the Squadron. The cutting. The boys. The rock music. Giving my heart away again in a desperate search to replace what was missing. The idolatry. My failure of my friends and family.

Yes, that’s one dark list. And that’s enough to make me throw my hands up in despair and cry, God, what can You do with a whore like me? Enough to make me think that there’s no way I can change now.

There isn’t. But God can change me.

My childhood had many happy moments, and even as I’m starting to work through a grieving process, I’m starting to smile through tears at memories of times spent with my mother, my father and my brother.

Even though I lived for myself, God stretched out His Hand at the age of fourteen and struck me with a passion for Himself. I rededicated my life and repented, and the sense of His presence has never left me fully ever since.

Even through the failures of everything else I listed, God has used little things in there to change people – to change me. It wasn’t His will I go through the path of suffering that I created. But He was with me all the way through it – and along the way as I pulled out of each small section, He’s used my experience to reach out in a small way to others.

I’ve failed people often. I admit I mess up situations with too much roughness, arrogance or too little sensitivity. Yet God has blessed me, that when I think my presence in people’s lives has only been a curse, so many of my friends have raised their hands to encourage me and say that I’ve blessed them. That can only be the Hand of God.

I struggle with many things as I enter my twentieth year. The memories of the past. The burden of guilt for a wasted one and a half years of my life. The incredible grief at my failed witness for Christ – once painful battle, ended in ignominy. I am in America, and surrounded by a wonderful people and country who have stretched out their arms to me, into which I crumble and grieve as I try to sort my wounds and scars out. I struggle with the fact that once these two months are ended, I step into adulthood as I step off the aeroplane.

I admit, I’m afraid. I know sixteen year old who act as though they were double that age, and sixty year olds who behave as though they were six. Adulthood is not a responsibility I wish to take lightly. I’ve set many goals to accomplish on my return in the next year, but while they ground me in the accepted forms of adulthood, they do not perform the change in my heart. There has to be a balance between seriousness and fun, too, and I don’t want to lose myself in one or the other. People are one of the greatest investments I believe one can have; to reach out and touch another’s life – for good, for God – is a great and aweful thing. How to balance between spending time with my family while providing for them and spending time with my friends – most of whom are in another land?

It’s serious. I feel like a baby, and in a sense, I suppose I am. My communication life with God is not as it should be – and I know it needs to be, to help me through this and any part of my life. I cannot “do” adulthood on my own. It scares me. But I know Someone Who can, and Who has been there before me – a Leader of people, a Healer of hearts, a Toucher of lives, a family and a friend Man. The God-Man, Jesus Christ. And I know He is standing beside me, willing to reach out and hold me as I venture forth into this new stage in life.

I was talking to a friend a few days ago, and we discussed briefly how this trip to America, for me, is kind of like a closing door, a final goodbye party to my childhood and girlhood. Funny, that God should use this to heal my past. He has brought me amongst friends, and I am safe and content here. He has given me this time of healing and peace before bringing me back to face one of my worst battles, and I am truly thankful. Lord, make it so that You are an integrated part of my life on my return. I need You. And thank You - for bringing me safely this far.

So. I am nineteen years old today, entering my twentieth year of life. I have goals before me, a past behind me, and a life to live – for Christ. My duties are simple – to hear His voice in His word, to pour out my heart and fight prayer battles in speaking to Him (two-way communication) and He will guide me the rest of the way. The best of my youth is gone, but I am young yet and pray that He will use me in this new season of life.

Nineteen. On the brink of adulthood. I step out with a smile and hold in the darkness the steady Hand of my Father.

Thursday, June 09, 2011

Powers of Darkness Encompass

I nearly crashed last night, and it was only by the grace of God that I didn't go fully down. This morning leads to repentance with tears, as I realise that like Peter, who is coming to be one of my favourite Biblical characters in that I can identify with him in several ways, I took my eyes off Christ, Whose power gives me the strength to stand, and looked at the roaring waves around me.

Indeed, they are steep. As I type this, I am uncertain whether and cannot find out if my father is dead or living. My brother attacked my mother again yesterday, bruising her already bruised leg again, and leaving me with much fear for my trip to the USA. On top of that, I spent nearly two hours in a minibus with cadets yesterday, where nearly every song had horrible swear words that even I would never use or else had hidden to blatant sexual connotations. (I was the only girl in a group of four boys.) The whole trip there and back was spent in tears. And we wonder why our kids end up the way they are, with underage sex and pregnancies, when those words are drilled into their heads! The music was balanced just right with words repeated over and over, or else the music powered over the voice, but the voice was clear enough to understand, or the voice overpowered the music.

It used to be easy not to pick up on lyrics before I got involved with CCM, but now I'm used to listening to words through drums and overpowering beats, it wasn't hard to hear. I thought of going to sleep, but I'd rather fight the devil on my feet, and as I sleep, the words and the darkness behind them would be going into my brain unfought. The whole mass of the powers of darkness rose up, and I saw the way Satan manages to pervert the tiniest tendril of the power of God, creating his own massive distortion. I could see the way so many Christians were lost and tangled up, with only the few gleams of Light they could see, struggling to follow. I saw the world and its snares crawling across the path, and I saw the Valley of the Shadow for this world. I prayed. My God, how could this be? Without You, there is no way we could win. The power of darkness is like...being trapped in a cave with massive, towering walls. The fight seemed so hopeless that the pain was almost physical. The war is fought on every front of everyday life.

We can't win. Never can. But there's one thing. We're on the winning side. We can't win for God. We work for God. And not by ourselves, but simply by our willingness to let Him use us, every day surrendering our lives back to His will. And God will win, in the end. We may lose individual battles. We may lose big battles. But God will win the war. Trust Him. Keep your eyes on Him. Be willing and open to give your life back to Him daily. He will save us. Because He is God. And nothing - no power of darkness - can ever overpower that single touch of Light. Lord, we wait on You.

Christians, your hope and trust is in God. "Evil. NEVER. wins."

In Christ,

Tuesday, June 07, 2011


1 - Friends to kid around with. Thank you, Adam, for making my day lighter.

2 - Phones and computers to share burdens with. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers.

3 - For the sunshine outside. It reminds me God is still on the Throne and loves us enough to send the light in this very dark hour.

4 - For the nearness of the presence of God, even though we cannot feel His hand right now.

5 - Friends that come at a moment's call. Thank you, Brian, for coming after hearing the state we are all in.

6 - The few personal possessions we DO have. The Son of Man had nowhere to lay His head.

7 - Family being near and supportive in thought and action where possible. Thank you to my siblings and my Mom's family for your thoughts, help and prayers.

8 - For America being one week away, and God providing people to be around my Mom while I'm gone.

9 - For the sweet smell of the ground after the rain fall.

10 - Good music and a brother who encouraged me to put "Ever, Ever After" on.

Thank You, Lord, for all of these. Show us Your hand. ALL of us.


Monday, June 06, 2011

An Update

So you need a rather rapid update.

Recently, my Mom, Jose and myself have moved house. We went beyond the range of the BT Openzone hotspot, so I spent the first night scouring the list of connections. At present, I'm connecting to an open network called TP-LINK. I have two bars of connection, which is better than the BT one, and it breaks less frequently. On June 1st, Mom is having a BT landline installed, which will give us broadband back. God is very gracious.

For the next three weeks, my life is going to be intensely busy before I practically disappear offline for two months.
I will be taking my laptop and camera with me to the States, so watch out for updates, etc. :D Unfortunately, I won't be able to get a video camera, so you'll have to suffice with piccies. :)

I'm trying to sort out the details of my trip at the moment, so when that is finalised as much as can be with the families I'd like to visit, I'll update you. For now, I'm trying to visit Texas, Oregon and Oklahoma on top of Kansas, but money is very tight, so I'd like prayer on that, please. I may have to cut out one of them, but I'm hoping not.

I've changed Squadrons, so I'm no longer at 196 Squadron but at 425. I lost my rank with the transfer, so I'm just Cadet Jones again. :D I considered changing my rank on the various sites that my username is Corporal, but I decided that since I was one once, there wasn't really any need to bother.

My schedule for the next few weeks reads as follows:

Today 22cd: Lawnmowering, clean out the guinea pigs, general clean up, online.
Monday 23rd: Work in the morning, Lizzie phoning, Jane's internet in the afternoon, cadets on the night.
Tuesday 24th: Family things on.
Wednesday 25th: Heading to Nottingham with my family to meet Keifer, Addison, Rachel and Keifer's mom. (Red alert: Need to get a note on Facebook to my new Flt Lt that I won't be there. EDIT: Done.)
Thursday 26th: Taking a train to Stratford on Avon to tour with Keif, Addison, Rachel and Keif's mom. (Red alert: Need to let Lisa know I can't work Thursday.)

(Update continued): As the internet is now installed, the only reason my computer keeps dying on me is I've overused my battery to the extent that when it isn't run off the mains, it crashes. However, the electricity is run off a meter, and we can only afford so much, so I have to run it part on battery and part on electric. If you find me going offline suddenly in the middle of a conversation, please repeat what you last said when I get back online as my computer will have deleted it.

I leave for the United States in ten days, and my excitement knows no bounds. However, my calendar is...chock a block. :D Here is a rough run-down of my life since May 31st.

Monday, May 30st - Out all day with 425 Squadron on a 2.30 hour march (about 5 miles) playing the bell lyre for Staffordshire Wing - in the rain. Popping back in to my boss's to check on her tortoise.

Tuesday, May 31st - Work in the morning, picked up by the Boss at 12:30 to get to Aldridge for a drill team practice.

Wednesday, June 1st - Babysit Ayanna during the day, get to Sqn early on the night for another drill practice - from 6-7, picked up at just gone 7 to babysit my two nephews for my brother and sister-in-law, staying there overnight.

Thursday, June 2cd - Dropped off at work; afterwards, Lisa and I sort out a list and programme for the next few days, and I make a calendar to record everything to do on.

Friday, June 3rd - Officially my last free day until I reach the States.

Saturday, June 4th - Was supposed to be babysitting my Boss's son from 10-2, but ended up helping with Ayanna from 1-7pm instead.

Sunday, June 5th - Wing Field Day, an all day event of non-stop activity, one of the most important events in the cadet calendar where the 32 Squadrons forming Staffs Wing compete with each other. I was in the 425 drill team (whoop!) and playing with the Staffordshire Wing band.

Monday, June 6th - Maintenance man coming while Mom and Jose are downtown, exam date for GCSE Maths exam at 1:30pm, with Squadron on the night. That involves study, travel and travel, ironing, participation, coming back to Sam's, eating tea, going home.

Tuesday, June 7th - House sitting while Mom takes the cat to the vet. Dad being moved out of the house for one week so we can get our belongings - so during the whole week, around other activities, I'm dismantling and sorting my old bedroom very rapidly to bring it to the new place, and rebuilding and putting it back together there.

Wednesday, June 8th - Squadron on the night, but most of the day involved with moving house. Have to leave early for Sqn as we're heading up to Stafford. It's Wing Band's practice night. One week before I leave for the States. The Boss is coming around on the night with Mrs. B. :)

Thursday, June 9th - Work in the morning, mowing my boss's lawn, before walking back to my old home (they're twenty minutes' walk apart) to continue moving house.

Friday, June 10th - GCSE Maths Exam part 2. Very nervous about this one. Five days before I leave. I get the results five days after my return. Moving house.

Saturday, June 11th - All day with the Squadron Band. Don't know what we're doing.

Sunday, June 12th - Cosford Airshow with the Wing Band or church in the morning with moving house.

Monday, June 13th - Work in the morning. My boss is going to tint my eyelashes, pluck my eyebrows and darken them for my going to the States. Should be a new and painful experience...not looking forward to the plucking part. :P

Tuesday, June 14th - A day in which we find out a major event that could affect my mother's health considerably and also decides how much pressure we will be under when I return from the USA. The stress and tension will be considerable - much prayer requested, please.

Wednesday, June 15th - I leave the house at 5am for Heathrow Airport, Terminal Four. By late afternoon, I will have set foot on Kansas soil.

Bearing in mind that I still have to arrange my currency conversion, pack for the States with stuff we're bringing out the house, doublecheck my baggage weight, make sure I have the presents for my Yanks, sort my phone out, get a plug socket thingie, doublecheck my VISA waiver.
I think the Boss is sorting out two or three of that for me, God bless him.

But yeah, just so you're convinced I'm not completely being lazy and don't want to chat to you... :)

On my return from the States, I have several itemised things to accomplish so that I don't wax deep in depression. :P

These are, in importance order:
Getting a job
Learning to drive
Get on a sign language course
Learn self defense
Join a choir

I would love to do something with my voice someday, maybe, so hopefully a choir will be an opening.
Sign language has always fascinated me, and I have a natural flair for languages, so hopefully this is one way of using a talent God has gifted me with.
Getting a job and learning to drive will help my family immensely, so please pray for me on those.
Learning self defense is something I've thought of for a time, as I hate the helpless feeling as I watch someone I love get attacked or I get attacked. So it will be new, fascinating and hopefully train my mind and body to move faster.

On top of this, I want to get the Single For Christ site up and moving. Please pray for that, also.

So! I hope you're a bit more updated now and this will save any questions. :)

God bless!

EDITORIAL NOTE: "The Boss" is my old commanding officer, Brian Beckett. "My boss" is my sister's friend Lisa, who I work for and who has been most generous to me with money and everything else. God bless them both, and everyone else who has helped me so much.

Sunday, June 05, 2011

Snapshots: One Battle Down


Wrote this for Snapshots. Opinions??

'She stared at the screen, tears pouring down her twisted face.
"What does he know, or care?" A little voice inside of her whispered. "You're just another human...a worthless body, a lazy, selfcentred bitch. She's right...everyone who tells you that must be right. Because you see it in yourself. You lazy, good-for-nothing, cutting harlot."
Burying her face in the crook of her arm, she sobbed quietly into the cushion on the arm of the chair, trying to suppress the louder sobs that would bring down her already angry and weeping mother.
She raised her soaked face and studied the computer screen again, reading the type that a faceless person had sent, begging her, pleading with her not to cut. Glancing down at the knife on her lap, she pulled the kitchen towel out, ready to soak up the blood when she'd made the cut - or two - that would send her into a state of shocked numbness. She remembered the last cut she'd made...lying near unconsciousness on the floor, blood soaking through the applied tissue, the fear that it would never stop bleeding, the threats of removed freedom after the inevitable discovery, the tears, the pressure like everyone was crowding her...almost unconsciously, she pulled the skirt of her dress up to finger the deeper scar on her leg.
"Oh, Zac..." she cried, pressing the blade against her forehead. "I just have to do this!"
"No, you don't. You have to trust in God. He has taken the punishment; there is no need to punish yourself. Please, Evelyn, pray, for your mother, for yourself, but do not cut."
"It eases the pain."
"It doesn't. It makes it worse in the long run..."
"I can't pray. I can't think. I'm just so confused. And I know this will dull the pain."
"It will only scar you physically, mentally and worse. Please, trust me, Evelyn. Put the knife back."
She fingered the edge of the blade again, pressing it against her skin.
If someone cares enough to stay here and talk me through this...then maybe...maybe...God does care. And...Trust him. What does he know about trust?
Her oldest and most faithful human friend. He hadn't left in spite of the extent of evil she had done. And if a human could do much more could a perfect and all loving God...
With a choked sob, she rose to her feet. With wooden steps, she moved heavily towards the kitchen, her hand tightening on the knife with each pace until her knuckles were white. She pulled open the drawer with rigid fingers.
Because love is greater than hate. Even self hate.
Slowly unclenching her fingers, one by one, she dropped the knife back into the drawer, slamming it closed and throwing the kitchen towel away before bolting out back to her computer.
I think the releasing of the hand and those steps were the most difficult of my life.

It's Another Bunch of Lessons! :D

I'm really excited over this project idea God has given me. Not just because of the potential it has to encourage and bless others, if done and used rightly, but because of the lessons to be had!

The last main thing in my life God taught me a hard lesson through was through being in love. He's still teaching me that.

Now He's brought this in! I'm so excited! Here are a few of the lessons I can see coming ahead.

Humility, Submission, Obedience, Accepting Instruction, Closer Prayer:
I must not be proud and act like I own this project or the ideas or inspiration but keep it humble, give God the glory, act only on His leading and not my own ideas, and give it back to God daily. I also must learn to listen to the advice and guidance of others, in accordance with what God is leading.

Faithfulness, Self Control, God-reliance:
I need to stop looking at my blog posts about this for readers and comments to see if many people are excited, and instead act in faith that God will bring it to whoever He wants. I also need to rely on what God has given me because He will provide what's necessary, when it's necessary. I shouldn't give up when people don't seem enthusiastic because it's God's, not mine. And I need to rely on Him for the strength to carry on when all of this daunts and overwhelms me.

Time Management, Productiveness:
I must work out how to balance time with family, preparing for the States and later, my job, with the internet, and spending time with my friends while not being on chat very much any more. This is where emailing will come in much more.

This is so exciting! An adventure to come! God is so good! :D

Friday, June 03, 2011

So I'm Excited!

My sister Kiehl and I have been learning something about patience recently, as we watched first distant acquaintances, then family friends, then family start courting, get engaged, get married.
We're 19, Kiehl and I. She's one day older than me, and my closest girl friend, in a way. And we both struggle with the same problems. And we fall out and make up again. To my mind, we're as good as real sisters with an ocean between us. I love her to bits, even if I can't always find the words to tell her so.

Recently, one of our most common struggles has been our single status. And I watch it in a lot of my friends. I'm not quite sure exactly why we want to hit that mark of "marriage material". Maybe because it is recognised by everyone in the Christian circle as a symbol of being "grown up" and "responsible". Which is about the same level as being recognised by the world as old enough to sleep around.

I know singleness is hard. I've lived, failed and live it. I intend, God willing, to live it for a good long time to come - perhaps forever.
But way too many people despise their singleness. To reiterate what we've all heard so many times before - singleness is NOT a stop gap. Singleness is a lifestyle that God has blessed us with - and, I might add, is considered to be a higher status than marriage.
We're way too easily influenced by the majority Christian or majority world view.
Marriage is not the be-all and end-all in the same way that the world views sex. Because that's all that it is, in a way. Both appear to be a mark of maturity, one in the church, one in the world.

You know what? It doesn't take marriage or sex to mean you've reached maturity. It doesn't take hitting 18 or 21 to mean you're mature either. I've seen mature 17 year olds and I've seen immature 60 year olds. Walking with God and growing close to Him - and rejoicing in the circumstances He has placed you is what makes you mature.

Singleness isn't a stagnant stage of life to be endured until the golden crown of the martyr's reward arrives. Oh no. It's part of a rushing whirlpool, a strong testing of your faith in God. And that is the glory of it. It's the time in your life when you can grow closest to God with no interruption, and people miss the glory in that. That's partly why I hate/d boyfriends/girlfriends and that kind of stuff so much.

Sure, something inside me wants it. I'm human, and we're made that way. But when I look at where I am now, and where I should be in God to be able to consider marriage - no way. I need to grow far more in and into God than I am right now. And be able to continue to grow in even when, and if, my life changes.

So! That's a prelude. This morning, while I was praying and singing and listening to While I'm Waiting {John Waller} (how I love that song! :D ), I was thinking about this blog post I've been trying to write for a while now. And not for the first time, i thought of starting an interactive website for Christian girls who are struggling with being single, so we can talk about how we can be proud of our singleness in Christ, how we can use our talents and not just sit around wishing, that singleness is a part of life and something to be thankful for, and that the blessing of singleness is willingness. Also to provide prayer support for girls who are struggling, and encouragement, and encourage Bible reading, because I know a lot of my sisters and I struggle with that too.

So many girls feel like they're on their own with the battle for finding God's will while being single, and sometimes because they're inwardly, and almost unconsciously fighting being single.

And while there's so much towards marriage and preparing for it, I think there should be something devoted towards singleness too.

I mentioned this to the sister God brought into my life as a prayer warrior, Carissa Mann, as just a thought. Her follow up remarks were:
There should be; if there isn't, you should start one!

I'd been hoping/praying she would say something like that if I was meant to go ahead. I have several techo-savvy friends, and I asked one, Kyle Johnston, how to go about setting up a website. He promptly started creating a forum-blend-blog thing.

Thank you so much to both of you for your encouragement, support and help! :)

Now I'm just looking at buying a domain. What with it being 13 days until I leave for the United States of America for two months, I'm debating whether to purchase it now (as it will be two months of practically zero use) or buy on my return, but my plans for the rest of this year may force it back on the shelf, as getting a job to support the remainder of my family is highest priority.

I know there are guys out there struggling with the same problem as us girls, and searching for peace, joy and contentment in Christ as they accept their singleness status, and honestly, I wish I could reach out to you too.
I thought of making this a both gender project, but I have little desire to have a dating agency on my hands. The purpose is learning to rejoice and use our singleness to the glory of Christ, not to set up desperate young people into couples.

(Yes, I know I'm good at matchmaking, but that's on a funside level. :P )

I'll be praying that God will raise up a young man with the heart and the ability to reach out to other young men, maybe in a new and different way, and I ask you to join me.
While not discouraging guys from reading the blog (if we get round to posting on it!) I ask that you don't get involved with the forum or the project, except in prayer.

So yes! That's my newest project, my first one online, AND! I have another up my sleeve! (Involving galsies AND guys!) So pray for me, for my spirit is willing but my flesh is weak - and pray for this endeavor.


In Christ,



Yes, there it is! Right at the bottom! Look, it'sh pwettyful! :D It's a Google Plus 1 button.

And look, there are some more, shortened as suggested by my big brother Jay Lauser. Thoughty, interesty, and encouragy.

You know, this is probably one of the most selfish posts out. But I really, really, really appreciate you letting me know what you think by clicking one of those teeny buttons! :D

In Christ,