Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Friday, October 28, 2011

Loud and Clear

Okay, I'm going to settle a little problem here, right here and right now. This is to prevent any further talking behind my back.

I am busy. Very, very busy. In fact, most nights I'm so busy I'm actually falling asleep online. The other night, I even fell asleep in front of my mother online. Woke up until she went to bed, then fell asleep again until about 2am, when I finally gave up in despair and crawled off to bed.

Most days, I get up somewhere around 6:30am and don't stop until 10:30pm. The times that I don't, I'm frantically rushing about online trying to sort out things like emails, and blog posts, and the S4C website. (The only thing I've been wasting time on is watching Dr. Who, and yes, I intersperse that with chatting.)

I'm falling asleep a LOT online. I am very tired and constantly on the run. It's not that I don't want to talk. It's not that I'm ignoring you and leaving you in the past. It's that I'm very busy, and I'm very tired.

Once again, for those complaining about the lack of chatting, (not those that want and merely express a wishful "I wish we could chat more!" before you sensitive people judge yourselves as that), I have and am opening the door to both emailing and letter writing. Please feel free to message me or leave a comment or post in regard to either aspect, and I will get back to you.

My days at the minute run as follows:

Monday: Work, home (get home for just after 6), Squadron (got to be there for 7/7:15), get back around 10. Go online, and then I'm dropping off to sleep around 12 and can wake up anywhere from 1-3, then go to bed.

Tuesday: Work, home, Bible study (leave home at 7), get home around 10, online, same procedure, bed.

Wednesday: Same as Monday.

Thursday: Work, home, night off (until I'm going to be helping 196, my old Squadron).

Friday: Work, home, out for spinning club at 7, home around 10.

Saturday: Cadets, mostly, bedroom tidying, trying to do stuff around the house or babysitting.

Ie. I'm busy.

Re: a decision I made recently, for everyone to hear, since most of you seem to be involved or else I've been discussed by everyone involved. I was supported by both of the other people in the case in my decision. THERE WAS NO OTHER REASON THAN WHAT I STATED. I am not a habitual liar, nor do I make painful and emotionally damaging (to myself as well as others) decisions just for the fun of it. Neither do I sit around wasting my time for people who do not change, when I have precious little of it as it is.

Also note, because of my arrogance and bossiness and self opinionated ways, I do not need looking down on, pitying or a further load of consolatory messages and an "oh-we-wish-we-had-the-old-Jane-back" going on behind my back. Nor do I need babying or mothering, except in the ways God is showing me and I am turning to responsible young and older women for as God moves them into place in my life. If you're not in one of those spots, that doesn't mean you aren't responsible. Just that God doesn't necessarily want you in a position of responsibility in my life. Hopefully that is also clear.

This isn't just in response to one message, it's directed at many chats and comments and slips in conversation that have occurred in the past several weeks. And also at the character of at least one person I know is involved in some of this.

Remember, I also have been caught up in the pity-puddle mode, and I know that part of it is simply sharing a burden which usually ends up in talking about how another person is treating you bad.

Well, it's not intentional. I'm being very blunt with this. And I'm sorry if it hurts. I'm also tired of people talking about my "withdrawal" behind my back, and being insecure (which I know I shouldn't be) anyway, the last thing I need is people discussing me out of earshot. I'm not "withdrawing", I simply have more of a life offline. And I can't get you involved with all aspects of it, simply because some of it is family private. Me private (to some degree) I share, and as much as I choose to share, you get, which has also been condemned as more than it should be. So please stop wishing to get at the rest of me. We all like to have a bit of privacy. I don't care to lay everything I've got over the floor for people to stare at, comment on and then walk away from - intentionally or unintentionally.

Hopefully that, too, is clear.

Finally, I'm directing this paragraph at everyone who is going to jump on the bandwagon to condemn this post.
You ask for honesty, you get it in broad daylight. I have nothing to hide. I haven't got time to sit down and write a long email to every single person in the big entangled circle who is going on about this.
All the people who read this and feel or know that it is directed at them, you're either going to shrink away and hide from me for fear "you've lost Janey's love" or "Janey's mad at me" or shake your heads pityingly or decide to "try and remain her friend because it's the Christian thing to do, loving people who hurt you" - one, I don't give love lightly, so I'm sorry if you think I'm that flippant with my affection; two, I greatly appreciate your friendship, and I'll work with you over the rough spots.

Two things you need to know about me; I don't take friendship out of pity, and I don't take pushing. Don't try and push your way in. Wait.

And all those who are stronger than they make out to be - get a thicker skin. Friendship hurts. Learn if it's worth it.

I AM sorry if this hurts anyone. It's something I've been feeling for a long time needs to be said.
And yes, I'm well aware my "friendship circle" could be half diminished by the time some people reach this point.

Take care and God bless you.