Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Anti-Feminist?! ME?

And again, while cleaning my boss's house... :P

I noticed a fridge magnet that not three months ago I would have found hysterically amusing.
(I promise I didn't look at it for more than a few moments! I thought while I worked.)
And still, even now in a bitter mood or out shopping with Mom, I would still have an outward amusement and find some satirical agreeing comment.

You see, that fridge magnet read, "Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be out on its own."

Suddenly, the whole idea behind it struck me as wrong. Sure, in the environment I live in it's funny; as a non-Christian I would've bought about ten and sent them around to all my other girl friends who are involved with boys.

I was a feminist. Unwittingly so. My friends called me feminist. I denied it. I believed all the right things with my head, but I held all men with contempt in my heart. And I believed very strongly that any woman was equal to a man, could toughen herself up to be as good as a man (which when considering I thought men were weak wimps with one idea in their heads, isn't much) and could do anything she set her mind to.
I wanted to join the SAS. The toughest group out, trained killers. I wanted to be the hardest of the hard. And I think, that without the hand of God holding me back, I could've done it.
There's some kind of natural strength inside. The women of my family - my Mom, Yvonne, my sister, Sammie and I - we all have it, but deny it a lot of the time. I didn't believe I did, but my friends said they'd seen it in me. Now God is healing my heart, I can feel it. But I know that I would be denying and refusing and hiding that strength unless He brings it out in me.
That strength I could've used to go where I wanted to go. I professed God's will to follow a passion I held and was certain I would use it for God's glory.
Big difference between going somewhere you want to go and twisting up a shield of "I'm following God", and actually sacrificing your dreams to the will of God.

I'll be honest. My life has not been such that I have great respect for men. Even now, I still don't.
But there's a difference between holding respect for men and treating all men with contempt. Every man has the right to prove or not prove himself. And they shouldn't be treated like dirt until they have.
You know why? Because the way you think of, behave towards and treat a man is exactly the way they're going to behave towards you. It's human nature to live up to an expectation. If your expectation is rotten, then their behaviour isn't likely to be any more than it has to be.
Every man has the right to prove himself worthy of respect. Give him that chance.

So that little fridge magnet is no longer hysterically amusing. In fact, the smile it brought to my lips was rather sad and painful. Because I know that only God brought me out of the bonds of feminism, and so many women like me, due to circumstances around them or actual choices, are blindly entangled in trying to get to a place they'll never be.

Sure, I still don't really enjoy the idea of being cooped up in a house with screaming kids for the rest of my life, with all my talents and gifts being stuck behind four walls.
That's the feminist picture of a family.
Yes, I knew the real picture, but I jeered at it. I didn't believe it was real. Was possible. So few people actually live it out.
Those talents and gifts are things God has given you to bless your husband and children and the people you interact with. As a homeschooling Mom, I'm willing to bet you wouldn't be stuck up behind four walls every day, if ever. :P God will use them in exactly the way He wants them used.

Christianity is a life of self denial. Feminism is the total opposite. It's all about me. Where I can get to. What I think I can do with what I've got.
Actually, it's not yours. It's not your life, and they're not your gifts. It's God's. All God's. Every breath you breathe. Everything you touch. Every dear possession you call your own. Every treasured friendship. Every strength and weakness. Every family member you think you couldn't (or could ;)) live without.
It's. All. God's.
It is SO easy to know it with your head. Believe me, I have. And I pray God doesn't have to smash you as severely as He did me to get it through to you. Although, actually, I do. If He will draw as close to you and bless you as much as He is me.

Laying your body as a FREE WILL sacrifice on the altar of Christ's ultimate one is not even a repayment. It's necessary.
There's a strange kind of joy in self sacrifice. It finds those baby hands adorable, that time taken from your personal busy life a service to Christ. And it's not the self satisfied "OOOH, look at wonderful me and what I've done!" No, it's when you have a hundred things pressing on you and you show the kindness of Christ in the stress without wanting or needing any reward. He gives you joy. That blessing far exceeds any He could give.

Feminism is a bitter thing. A hard knot inside that can fool you into believing you're all right. Can even fool you into believing that you're not it.
The joy of Christ and the laying down of one's life exceeds it beyond all expectations. Try it, with an open heart and a willing mind.

But remember, don't set out to prove me wrong...if you come without a heart sick of illness and a searching for light, you will fail.

Until a man is nothing, God can make nothing out of him. ~ Martyn Luther.

And believe me, you will find true independence as you find release and freedom beyond your wildest dreams.
No, God is not going to dump you in a relationship with a guy when you get out of feminist mode. He's got way more work to do in you yet. And every step with Him, no matter the pain and the cost, is that humbling, chastened joy.

God bless!
~Janie

Patience! Oh help!

Okay.

So I'm trying to write three blogs at once, advise Mom on family problems, look for a Parliamentary soldier for Joseph, watch Ayanna and be ready to run if she starts crying, help Sam where needed, listen to two songs at once, help Mom with some necklaces, run four chats, manage Twitter, think about other stuff I'm doing, deal with Joseph's behaviour, console my dog cause no one's kicking his ball...and now Mom's asking me about the washing....and Sam wants me to open a can and my family ends up in a quarrel because it's a sharp edged can...and my chat contacts are thinking I'm ignoring them...

Am I going insane? My voice is definitely containing traces of irritation...

Oh Lord, teach me patience!

And I post this after attempting to rock Ayanna to sleep moments before rushing out to cadets in an unironed uniform.

God is good. Grow closer in the hard times!

Monday, March 28, 2011

A Future

Due to the unfortunate change in our family circumstances, I have a rather sad announcement to make.

Today, we go to look at a new house in Bloxwich. If it is acceptable and we are able to rent, within the next few months we will be moving.
Some...other changes also means we lose the internet. Right now, I am working off the BT Openzone hotspot privilege we have, as members of BT Broadband, but when we move, I'll lose it.
I will probably be able to get a dongle for £10 (approx $17), but this will severely restrict my internet hours to one or two a night, if that's not one or two every few days.

My chatting will be limited to the minimum, as I have emails, blogs, Twitter, Facebook and other things to sort out.
You will be as free to chat to me as always, but please do not instantly presume I do not want to talk to you and am ignoring you. I'm simply working feverishly in the short time I have.

If the dongle option does not work out, you will see me once a week, probably on Friday afternoons. I'll go down the library to check up on everything for about two hours.
In that extreme, chatting will be virtually non-existent.

If you want to email me to replace the chats, my email addresses are:
forgodsglory-john3.16@hotmail.com
forgodsgloryjohn3.16@gmail.com

I check gmail more frequently, but I respond to emails in hotmail faster.

Unless it's something important, please keep your email to a brief two paragraphs or so. If you have to go over, then do so; but for a quicker response, please, please make it brief.

I think that's all for now...any questions, just Buzz me, tweet me or LEAVE A COMMENT for me. :P ;)


God bless you,
~Jane


@Kyle - Looks like we're back on emails, after all. :)

Monday, March 21, 2011

We Will Destroy America! We Will Destroy Britain!



No, these aren't radicals. This is the heart and soul of Islam, in the fullness of its evil in the centre of the UK.
God save us all.

Born From Death ~ 2

Sections from Chapters One, Two, Four, Ten and Eleven. :)


1:
“Break when you’re ready, Sergeant.”

I repeated the same call in Room 2 and the Parade Hall. Cadets began queuing up in line for the canteen. In a few moments, the Parade Hall had cadets milling everywhere in one blue mass.
I headed towards the office, stopping short as Plt. Off. Detter stepped through the door ahead of me. Blowing an exasperated breath, I started to turn away, but glanced back as I noticed one of the new cadets start after him. That wasn’t so unusual; many of the new cadets asked advice off Detter. The expression on this girl’s face looked strange, though. Pale and scared-looking, she glided across the room, but a fierce determination shone from her eyes. I studied her, remembering our impression when she first came.

Dressed like something out of the old-fashioned films, with that long skirt and loose blouse.

My interest sparked, I waited until she returned before heading into the office.

I wonder what she wanted? Didn’t look like something confidential.

Plt. Off. Detter hadn’t wasted any time, but appeared to have gone straight to the inner office.

Something for the Boss’s notice, then. Just to make sure…

“Where’s Dad?” I asked.

One of the civilian instructors, Gayle Unwin, glanced up.

“He’s busy in the office with Pilot Officer Detter.”

I shrugged and knocked at the door.

“Corporal Westcott!”

Her voice trailed off as Dad called out.

“Come in.”

I opened the door a crack and slipped in, shutting it on her disgusted face.

“Pampered…” I heard her muffled voice as I moved to a chair.

“Are you all right, Corporal?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Mr. Detter and I are discussing something.”

“Yes, I know.” I assumed a worried expression and turned to Detter. “I noticed one of the cadets wanted to talk to you, sir, and wondered if everything was okay?”

“Nice of you to take such a rare interest, Corporal,” Detter remarked in a dry tone.

I felt the heat rise to my face. Dad glanced from Detter to me.

“You can talk in front of Pete, Rich,” he encouraged. “From what you’ve said, the N.C.O.s might need to know about it, anyway.”

Detter’s lips compressed; he glanced once at me before continuing. I hid my smirk.

“Well, I don’t think it’ll come to that, Frank. At least, I hope not. We’ve never had a case like this before, have we?”

I gave a little twitch of irritation, but I didn’t dare ask for an explanation. Dad noticed.

“So explain what happened again, Rich.”

“This new cadet – what’s her name?”

“Abigail Thomas. She’s known as Abbie.”

“Yes, well, I was coming into the office, and Thomas came up to me and said, ‘Excuse me, sir, can I ask you a favour – as a lady?’”

I glanced at Dad.

Weird.

“She looked so nervous, I felt sorry for her. So I said, ‘Sure.’ Then she said, ‘You know my brother and I are both Christians.’ Of course they are, the nation is pretty much Christian. I nodded and replied, ‘Ok,’ and she carried on to say, ‘So I was just wondering if you would mind not swearing just when we are around, please.’”

“Whew!” I let out my breath in a whistle. “What did you say to that?”

“I said something like, ‘I never knew I was doing it, I certainly will.’”

He looked at Dad.

“I didn’t really know what to say, I thought it would be best to just agree.”

Dad leaned forward, hands clasped, gaze intent.

“I think you know, Rich, although you probably don’t, Pete,” he nodded at me. “I used to attend church when I was younger, before I realised that it was a bunch of hogwash and no one really believed what they claimed they did. However, there are always one or two fanatics who insist on pushing their beliefs on everyone.”

I stared.

Dad? A religious man?

I coughed back a laugh. Dad paused for a second, thinking it through.

“I should imagine that the Thomases live in a rather protected environment, where they don’t hear much language. Sort of a middle class upbringing.”

I stifled a snort.

“We as members of staff will try to watch our language for now, and I think you should be more careful, too, Corporal. As they get used to language they hear from the cadets, we will be able to go back to normal. Sometimes you end up with rather straight-laced people who had old-fashioned training, but they should learn to fit in soon. There’s nothing really to worry about, Rich. You gave a good answer.”

I gaped, soundless.

“It’s not for long, Corporal,” Dad encouraged me. “It will give us a chance to show our adaptability to other religions, too.”

“I – suppose,” I sounded flat to my own ears.

“Okay then,” Dad gave a nod of dismissal. “Richard, ask the other members of staff to gather in the office.”

I left the room, feeling rather dazed.

Religion? God? I thought that was all out-dated stuff. Nobody with any sense could believe that anymore!


Entering the parade hall, I glanced at my watch.

.......................................................

I stepped back into the room – and froze with my hand on the doorknob.

“Everyone, shut up! Cadet Thomas has something to say to us.”

Oh no! Alan, how can you!

I directed a quick glare in his direction, but he didn’t notice. Abbie flushed, hesitated and fell out, coming to the front. She picked at her sleeve, raising her gaze for a second and dropping it again.

“Most of you probably know by now that my brother and I are Christians…” she glanced up, and I could see that the barrage of blank stares scared her. She gave a nervous half-smile.

“I know you won’t like it, but believe me, it’s not easy for me to say this.”

She looked down again, fumbling for words. The cadets on parade stood motionless.

“I was wondering…would you mind not swearing using the name of God or Jesus when my brother and I are around, please?”

I stared at her, saw her swallow. She shifted. Cdt. Longdon recovered first.

“Did everyone understand that? I think it’s called blasphemy, right, Cadet?”

She glanced at him with gratefulness.

“Yes, Cadet.”

“So we’ll all make an effort, won’t we?”

His tone wasn’t threatening, but firm enough for the cadets to understand he meant it. They stood for a moment, before coming, hesitating, to attention.

“Yes, Cadet.”

I scanned the faces before me with anxiety. The expressions varied from shock, ‘uh-oh, religious nut’, surprise and annoyance.

Oh my life! What in the world is Dad going to say? She’s gone from expressing her views to forcing her beliefs on the other cadets!

My eyes locked on Garland’s face. He stared at Abbie with an expression of near hatred in his eyes. I remembered the rumours I heard in the past of Garland’s father, A. Sgt. Garland, having some religious experience, before backing out of it.

Oh no. Here comes trouble. Garland won’t let this drop.

Longdon stood before me, waiting.



And......you're going to have to wait for the other sections. >:D

Born From Death ~ 1

Due to high demand on the reading of the first chapter of my sequel to this, Emerging From Death, to read this first book, I thought I would tantalise my readers by posting a small synopsis of the book.


It is the year 2012. Britain has been under the control of Europe for 3 years. Religions everywhere are joining together, believing that they are worshipping the same god in different ways. Only "fundamental" Christians who believe that Jesus is the only Way to Heaven, and fundamental Muslims who believe that Allah is the only god and that he has no Son - therefore every other religion should be exterminated - are against this, and they are imprisoned for "hatecrime".
In the midst of this turmoil, good and evil come face to face in two ex-members of the Air Training Corps; ex-cadet Abbie Thomas, a Christian, and ex-sergeant Peter Westcott, an atheist. Battles that were left unresolved since Squadron days due to political correctness are now re-engaged with violence. Abbie wants and prays for Peter to be saved - has done so for many years - but Peter is determined to gain the upper hand in a conflict that embodies those of centuries, win a higher position, crush Abbie's faith, and prove once and for all there is no God. The thing driving him onward is the part of him that still acknowledges there must be something more to life that what he knows...and that he refuses to admit.

Love

I've considered posting this for a long while, but I haven't before, due somewhat to uncertainty of what to say.

This is a chat between a best friend of mine and myself, just before the start of the return from my backsliding in November last year.

I couldn't see what he was saying. I wanted to. But I couldn't. I've never known the frustration of knowing the truth and being unable to see it. But afterwards, I began to pray every day that God would show me how to love with His love. That was when things began to change.



Taylor Weller: Are you alright?

Sian Jones: *pounces and hugs *

Taylor Weller: :)

Sian Jones: No. I mean. I suppose so.

Sian Jones: I will be.

Sian Jones: I guess.

Taylor Weller: :/

Taylor Weller: Tell me about it.

Sian Jones: I've got such a headache.

Sian Jones: I was okay. As you know. For the last two days.

Taylor Weller: Yes.

Sian Jones: And then today...I don't know.

... (Part removed due to personal nature)

Sian Jones: And then Mom and Dad went out.

Taylor Weller: Went out?

Sian Jones: Down town or something.

Taylor Weller: Ah.

Sian Jones: And I was washing up, and I just started crying. Hacking sobs. Drat. *fights back more tears*

Taylor Weller: Oh, Janey . . .

Sian Jones: And I was praying, more like almost screaming/shouting at the sky.

Sian Jones: Saying I was so

Sian Jones: Hold on.

Taylor Weller: 'k

Sian Jones: Sorry.

Sian Jones: Saying I was so, so sorry for falling in love. For everyone else. For what had happened with those guys.

Sian Jones: And asking where He was. Why I couldn't feel Him there.

Sian Jones: And why my prayers were hitting a brick wall.

Sian Jones: And the whole time...that mocking little voice was dragging up Barry. John. Stuart. Gary. Raouf.

Sian Jones: And all the rest of them.

Sian Jones: Telling me I wasn't truly sorry. That all my tears were a pretence.

Sian Jones: That my pain was a mockery.

Sian Jones: That I didn't really care.

Sian Jones: It's telling me now as I'm trying not to cry talking to you.

Sian Jones: I'm so lost, Tay.

Taylor Weller: Boy, where to start. I can say this: Your heart isn't in the right place, like I first assumed. It is close, and it wants to be, but it's not.

Taylor Weller: You are sorry, of that I am sure.

Taylor Weller: Those voices, they should be ignored.

Taylor Weller: If you listen to them to long, bad things happen. I started hearing actual voices.

Sian Jones: *shivers*

Sian Jones: I'm trying to pass over everything and believe. But it's like before. I'm not facing up to what's behind me. And it's not working. It's like a masquerade. A cover up.

Taylor Weller: That's your heart.

Taylor Weller: It all starts in your heart.

Sian Jones: Go on. I'm confused.

Taylor Weller: You're heart as in, not the thing that pumps blood to your veins, but the very centre of you. Not your soul, either, but who you are.

Taylor Weller: It's very hard to explain.

Taylor Weller: Does it make any sense so far?

Sian Jones: No...

Sian Jones: I'm still confused.

Taylor Weller: blast . . .

Sian Jones: I'm sorry, Tay.

Sian Jones

Taylor Weller: Have you ever read Ted Dekker?

Sian Jones: No...

Taylor Weller: I would recommend it. Start with Thunder of Heaven, if you ever get
around to it.

... (Part removed due to aside note)

Sian Jones: So yes. Go on. And what made you see the difference this time?

Taylor Weller: I am seeing clearer on matters today than I have before, and I'm
hoping that I will continue to. So it's really a matter of me being able to see the truth behind things, really.

Taylor Weller: But the heart . . .

Taylor Weller: Hmm.

Sian Jones: Oh...that's good.

Taylor Weller: The heart is a matter best grasped BY the heart, not the mind.

Sian Jones: I...see...

Taylor Weller: Well, it's a rather exclusive thing, by nature.

Taylor Weller: To be able to understand it, you have to have an open heart, and a
mind willing to listen.

Taylor Weller: You'll know when you do. There will be no doubt on the subject.

Sian Jones: *blink*

Taylor Weller: I'm sorry. This has taken me years to understand and I'm just
dumping it all on you at once.

Sian Jones: *shakes head*

Sian Jones: No. I want to understand.

Sian Jones: That I don't is my fault.

Sian Jones: What I AM going to say is...right now, I can't say any more. I know
it's awkward for you. But I'm listening.

Taylor Weller: Okay.

Taylor Weller: Well, you can't understand this with your mind. It is beyond the mind.

Taylor Weller: Blast, who does the adviser go to when he needs answers?

Sian Jones: *shivers* I'm so sorry, Tay.

Taylor Weller: let me think for a minute.

Sian Jones: I don't know where else to go.

Taylor Weller: Don't be sorry.

Taylor Weller: It's hard, but the fact that you seek truth is a very good start to ensuring that you find it.

Taylor Weller: because that IS what you seek, whether you see that or not.

Sian Jones: Right...

Sian Jones: I do have a question.

Taylor Weller: What is that?

Sian Jones: Which is why can you see today that my heart isn't right? Where did the lense vision change? And what is the difference?

Taylor Weller: The fact that I had a . . . minor shift in my own heart today may have had something to do with it. It's truly amazing the things you can see when you're not looking at yourself.

Sian Jones: What happened?

Taylor Weller: Lately, I've been helping an old friend. He's a former pastor who's gotten cancer.

Taylor Weller: He's on the way to mending, but he still can't work. I go over most Fridays to help him.

Taylor Weller: There's something about honest work that clears the mind. I could see that I had, once again, become too focused on myself to be doing anyone any good.

Taylor Weller: From there, I just had to possess the yearning to take that focus off myself.

Taylor Weller: I think that's it!

Taylor Weller: You need to stop focusing on yourself.

Taylor Weller: Even what you've done.

Taylor Weller: Can you accept that God is capable of forgiving you?

Sian Jones: No...Well, that He's capable, yes.

Taylor Weller: That's all you need.

Taylor Weller: You might not be able to accept that He has, but you are willing to believe that he can.

Taylor Weller: Yes?!

Sian Jones: Yes............

Taylor Weller: Than you just need to stop thinking about YOU.

Taylor Weller: Focus not on your own problems, sins, or anything.

Taylor Weller: Make someone else your focus.

Taylor Weller: ANYONE else.

Taylor Weller: That's part of love. Love will help you towards understanding.

Taylor Weller: Understanding will show you truth.

Taylor Weller: And when you have truth, you have the answers you need.

Taylor Weller: THAT's the key, I think.

Sian Jones: If I focus on anyone apart from God, they let me down.

Sian Jones: And God is too far away right now.

Taylor Weller: No He's not!

Taylor Weller: This is it, I'm sure.

Taylor Weller: He's right there.

Taylor Weller: He's everywhere.

Taylor Weller: He's BEEN everywhere.

Taylor Weller: He was tempted by all things, remember?!

Taylor Weller: He know's how you feel.

Taylor Weller: He's not disgusted, He's understanding.

Taylor Weller: He's your best friend.

Sian Jones: But He's God.

Taylor Weller: And?

Sian Jones: His purity is offended by me.

Taylor Weller: Not by YOU.

Sian Jones: I have disgraced His name in front of the world.

Sian Jones: I have hurt Him again.

Taylor Weller: He can handle that.

Sian Jones: I have failed Him in my witness.

Sian Jones: I've let Him down in purity.

Taylor Weller: He is not so small as you make Him out to be.

Sian Jones: I'm gutter dirt and He shouldn't touch me.

Taylor Weller: STOP!

Taylor Weller: Just listen!

Sian Jones: He should be as .

Sian Jones: Yes.

Taylor Weller: He is more than capable of forgiving any sins you've done or will do. He is not offended by YOU, only what you've done. Do you think God hates gay people? NO. He loves them. He only hates what they do.

Taylor Weller: He does not hate you, and He is not offended by you. He loves you.

Taylor Weller: He loves you so much, I do not think you can even comprehend it.

Taylor Weller: If you could even grasp a fraction of it, you would be on the ground at this very moment, sobbing.

Taylor Weller: This is what you need, this is the key to being what you were, and more so. LOVE

Taylor Weller: Do you understand?

Sian Jones: I hear you.

Sian Jones: I HEAR you.

Taylor Weller: That is a very nice start. My next words are going to be frank, so forgive them: If you would just get over your own, small self, you would see, understand the truth in my words.

Taylor Weller: If you are offended by those words, you are far too appreciative of your person.

Taylor Weller: Do you understand yet?

Sian Jones: No. I'm not offended.

Taylor Weller: That's good.

Sian Jones: I believe you there completely.

Sian Jones: I believe myself to be what I am. Gutter dirt. Because I'm wrapped up in the gutter dirt, I completely agree.

Sian Jones: Does that make sense?

Taylor Weller: Yes, and it's true, but you see it wrong!

Taylor Weller: You focus exclusively on that fact.

Taylor Weller: It's no different than spending hours in front of a mirror, admiring yourself.

Taylor Weller: Either way, you see only you.

Taylor Weller: And that is the problem.

Sian Jones: *nods*

Taylor Weller: You don't see it!

Taylor Weller: It's right there in front of you, and you don't see it!

Sian Jones: I'm sorry...

Sian Jones: I wish I did.

Taylor Weller: No, you don't! I can see things perfectly right now.

Taylor Weller: You care for you.

Taylor Weller: And as long as you do, you won't be able to see ANYTHING else.

Taylor Weller: Sian, I don't excite easily, but this truth has me rocking back and forth. I'm trying to stay on my seat.

Taylor Weller: You have blinded yourself!

Sian Jones: *half smile*

Taylor Weller: You've surrounded yourself with yourself.

Taylor Weller: Take yourself out of the equation! Then you will get the proper answer!

Sian Jones: HOW?

Taylor Weller: Ahh! I'm about to scream! Is this how God feels when he sees how blind we are?!

Taylor Weller: LOVE is the key!

Sian Jones: Probably.

Sian Jones: *wryly*

Taylor Weller: JUST LOVE.

Taylor Weller: THAT IS ALL YOU MUST DO>

Taylor Weller: THAT IS ALL GOD ASKS.

Sian Jones: Darn.

Sian Jones: Love HOW?

Taylor Weller: YOU. JUST. LOVE.

Taylor Weller: It is the hardest thing in the word to explain, but the most valuable thing to possess.

Taylor Weller: Stop fretting about your problems.

Taylor Weller: Stop telling yourself that you can't be forgiven - you think you're so special God can't do that simple thing?

Taylor Weller: Stop thinking of all the things you've done.

Taylor Weller: THEN

Taylor Weller: You can see everything around you.

Taylor Weller: And then you can love.

Sian Jones: Right...*slowly*

Taylor Weller: Do you see yet?!

Sian Jones: Kind of.

Taylor Weller: Good!

Taylor Weller: Good!!!!

Taylor Weller: You can't love others, because love is selfless.

Taylor Weller: if you can't love others, how can you love God?

Taylor Weller: If you can't love God, what is there?

Taylor Weller: THAT is why you have nothing left!

Taylor Weller: Not because of some paltry web cam and exposed skin and foul words.
It's because you've forgotten how to love!

Taylor Weller: To God that is nothing! Nothing!

Taylor Weller: THE HEART is what God is after, not your actions.

Taylor Weller: Sian, are you even beginning to see yet?!

Sian Jones: Slowly.

Taylor Weller: That’s good!

Sian Jones: I'm finding someone to care about anyway.

Taylor Weller: Don't care about them. LOVE them!

Sian Jones: I will. I will try.

Sian Jones: But I'm so.

Sian Jones: Afraid.

Sian Jones: That I will end up loving wrong again.

Taylor Weller: YOU CAN'T LOVE WRONG!

Sian Jones: I CAN! I loved him wrong! Completely wrong!

Taylor Weller: Then you didn't love him.

Taylor Weller: You cannot love wrong.

Taylor Weller: Love is of God and a part of God.

Taylor Weller: God is perfect, and so is His love.

Taylor Weller: And if you can see even a shadow of what I'm saying, then you've travelled light-years farther down the road than you were just an hour ago.

Sian Jones: *confused again* I did love him. But it hurt. So it was wrong.

Taylor Weller: No!

Taylor Weller: You don't see.

Taylor Weller: There can be pain in love. But you cannot love someone and yet do it wrong.

Taylor Weller: All good comes from Christ.

Taylor Weller: ONLY good comes from Christ.

Taylor Weller: Only perfection comes from Christ.

Taylor Weller: It is I; it is YOU, who decided to pervert it.

Taylor Weller: Love is supernatural.

Taylor Weller: And of God

Sian Jones: So we can't love.

Taylor Weller: No, we CAN!

Taylor Weller: THAT is why God died. So we could LOVE.

Taylor Weller: Without love, we don't have God. And without God there is only hell.

Taylor Weller: Hell is where God is not.

Taylor Weller: Hell is your soul without God.

Sian Jones: *shiver*

Sian Jones: I wish I could understand.

Taylor Weller: But do you see what I mean?

Taylor Weller: About Love?

Sian Jones: I SEE it.

Taylor Weller: Than there is hope! Only you, YOU, keep yourself from reaching it.

Taylor Weller: And that you, that person that keeps the REAL you from reaching it, you can tell that person to go to hell, because that is where that person belongs.

Taylor Weller: That is what the heart is

Taylor Weller: It is you, the perfect you.

Taylor Weller: But it can be the person who has no God.

Sian Jones: *shakes head*

Taylor Weller: And that is sin.

Taylor Weller: Do you still not understand?

Sian Jones: Oh Taylor. I'm hearing you. I'm seeing parts of what you're saying. But I can't feel it in my heart.

Taylor Weller: Then your heart is not occupied by God! I'm not saying you're not a follower of God, but you have no room for him in your heart.

Taylor Weller: And you should know something.

Taylor Weller: You've made a huge step, one that most people will never make in
their entire lives. That step is taking a small part of your vision off of yourself.

Taylor Weller: Now, you can begin to see the truth.

Taylor Weller: Now you can begin to love.

Sian Jones: Do you know what?

Sian Jones: It's like I'm outside of my body, watching someone else have this conversation.

Sian Jones: It's like it's been the whole time.

Sian Jones: I'm feeling nothing.

Taylor Weller: So what? Why do you care if you feel or don't feel? It's just you! YOU are nothing right now. Do you know why? Because you cannot love. Humans were made to love, but we stripped that away from ourselves in the garden.

Taylor Weller: Now we struggle for it.

Taylor Weller: The only way YOU can become something, is if YOU get rid of YOU and fill YOU with God!

Sian Jones: *sounds stupid*

Sian Jones: If I can't feel, how am I supposed to change??

Sian Jones: brb

Taylor Weller: STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOU! You see this as a way for you to change, that’s how I saw it first, too, but I was wrong, as you are now. This isn't a way for you to change. It’s a way for you to LOVE.

Taylor Weller: A natural result of you loving is that you will be close to God.

Taylor Weller: When YOU care about changing YOU, YOU are seeing only YOU!

Taylor Weller: Look somewhere else!

Taylor Weller: LOVE someone else.

Taylor Weller: You are a conduit for love.

Taylor Weller: You are not the producer of it.

Taylor Weller: You are meant to carry it, not dither about this sin or that sin.

Taylor Weller: That is nothing compared to the power of God!

Taylor Weller: Do you know what God's power is, Sian?

Sian Jones: No. How can I?

Taylor Weller: YOU CAN'T! That's my point. You can't because all you care about is you!

Taylor Weller: God's power is not That He can create a universe in a single thought.

Sian Jones: It's that He loves?

Taylor Weller: YES!!!!

Taylor Weller: It's that He can love no matter what!

Taylor Weller: UNCONDITIONALLY!

Taylor Weller: ANY WHERE!

Taylor Weller: ANY TIME!

Taylor Weller: No. Matter. What.

Taylor Weller: You're beginning to see!

Sian Jones: Don't be too hopeful.

Taylor Weller: Would you stop it already?!

Sian Jones: Sowwy.

Taylor Weller: You're still thinking about YOU!

Taylor Weller: Just stop!

Taylor Weller: I'm not capable of helping you anymore until you stop looking at yourself in the mirror all day.

Sian Jones: How on earth am I supposed to manage this? It's radically different from anything ANYONE'S been trying to tell me.

Sian Jones: I don't care about the radicalness. But I can't see.

Taylor Weller: What have others been telling you?

Sian Jones: That I just need to believe to overcome this, just take a step of faith and believe God has forgiven me, put it behind me, face the future with my hand in His, carry on...

Taylor Weller: Well that's all well and good, and that's what everyone and their mothers would say, but I'm telling you that if you really want to overcome this, to be an even better conduit that you were before, you must love and forget about you. All will fall into place then.

Sian Jones: I want to follow what you're saying. The other isn't working.

Taylor Weller: What other?

Sian Jones: What everyone else is saying?

Taylor Weller: That's because what I'm saying is true!

Taylor Weller: I know it is, because I'm only understanding at even as I type!

Taylor Weller: This is the perfect example.

Taylor Weller: Listen closely: Because, as of right now, I'm not focused on me, I'm able to help you. God is telling me what I need to say to help you. Now, this is the centre of all the centre of what I've been trying to tell you for the last hour, so hear me now.

Taylor Weller: I'm telling you what you need to know, I'm acting as a conduit for God. As a result of my selflessness, I'm understanding new things that I couldn't see before.

Taylor Weller: It will be the same for you. Take your eyes off of you, and you can help others. You can do God's will. As you do it, he will give you the answers you need to grow closer to God. Make sense?

Sian Jones: Yes.

Taylor Weller: Can you do that?

Sian Jones: I can't say I can, because I don't know how.

Taylor Weller: Then I can't help you.

Taylor Weller: When you stop caring for yourself, and you can love others, then I can help.

Taylor Weller: Until then, there is nothing I can do.

Sian Jones: *sigh*

Sian Jones: Then I'm doomed to try and find my way alone.

Sian Jones: Thank you, Tay.

Taylor Weller: This is the last piece of advice I can offer, and I'm literally wringing my hands at your blindness. You are NOT doomed to find it yourself. GOD IS THERE.

Taylor Weller: That's all I can physically do for you.

Sian Jones: I'm so sorry.

Sian Jones: Thanks for everything.

Taylor Weller: I've found great amounts of joy in helping you. So no worries about that. We can still talk, even about this. But I can't help you advance any further until you can find a way to be selfless.

Sian Jones: And I CANT FIND THAT WAY.

Sian Jones: I'm glad it's helped you.

Sian Jones: I wish I understood.

Sian Jones: Completely, except in part.

Taylor Weller: Drat it Sian, you're giving up to easy!

Sian Jones: No! I won't! I can't live life down there, but I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU!

Taylor Weller: Words are useless at this point, but I'm compelled to say that you can't understand because you choose that for yourself.

Sian Jones: Drat. I can't make you see that I can't see.

Sian Jones: I want to see but I DO NOT understand.

Taylor Weller: I know that you can't see.

Taylor Weller: But it's your own fault.

Sian Jones: All my life I have shunned a religion based on feelings and now I'm in it.

Taylor Weller: Feeling are good, but love is far beyond emotions.

Sian Jones: I KNOW.

Sian Jones: I can't get there!

Taylor Weller: Yes you can. God died so you can get there.

Sian Jones: I will try.

Sian Jones: I don't know how to try, but I'll try.

Taylor Weller: Then that's a very good start.

Sian Jones: *laughs bitterly*

Sian Jones: I'm sure.

Taylor Weller: You need to get some sleep. Think what I've said over.

Taylor Weller: We'll talk tomorrow.

Sian Jones: Yes...okay.

Sian Jones: Goodnight.

Taylor Weller: Goodnight, Sister.

Sian Jones: Goodnight, big brother.

Taylor Weller

Sian Jones: Thanks for everything

Taylor Weller: Anytime.

Sian Jones

Sian Jones: http://atrekthruthewilderness.blogspot.com/2010/09/love.html

Sian Jones: Satan wants us to doubt that God loves us. What better way to do this than to whisper to us about how wicked, ugly and sinful we are? It is good and right to recognize these things, and become humble before God. But when the devil starts telling us that we are so horrible that no one could love us who truly knew us, not even God, that’s when we need to stop dwelling on it.

God is repulsed by sin. He can’t stand it. But all of us know that Jesus died to clean our sins from our hearts. And when He did that, He made it possible for God to get close to us.

Sian Jones: If you believe that God loves you, then you believe...


*Part quotes from Sandy

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Ever Ever After!

The song Ever Ever After, as sung by Carrie Underwood in the Disney film "Enchanted".

Storybook endings, fairy tales coming true
Deep down inside we want to believe they still do
And a secret is taught, it's our favourite part of the story
Let's just admit we all want to make it too...

Ever ever after
If we just don't get it our own way
Ever ever after
It may only be a wish away

Start a new fashion, and wear your heart on your sleeve.
Sometimes you reach what's real just by making believe.
Unafraid, unashamed,
There is joy to be claimed in this world;
You even might wind up being glad to be you.

Ever ever after
Though the world will tell you it's not smart
Ever ever after
The world can be yours if you let your heart
Believe in ever after.

No wonder your heart feels it's flying.
Your head feels it's spinning.
Each happy ending's a brand new beginning!
Let yourself be enchanted, you just might break through...

To ever ever after
Forever could even start today.
Ever ever after
Maybe it's just one wish away;
Your ever ever after
Ever, ever, ever after.

I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss
Oh, for ever ever after. video

Emerging From Death ~ 1

Some of you will remember Born From Death, my best novel I was "meant" to write. Centred on the characters of ex Air Training Corps cadets Peter Westcott and Abigail Thomas. Abbie is a Christian and atheist Pete is determined to crush her faith in a lifelong battle that culminates in a prison camp.
Pete submits Abbie to a torture no woman should endure, and resulting in the birth of a baby girl.

Not to spoil the end of my book... :P

It finds its sequel in the book Emerging From Death, with main character Martha Thomas, abused teen in the State Displaced Children's Orphanage, searching desperately for an identity outside of the one she knows...
The link with her past? One silver watch.
Do the mysterious, mindless janitor, the silent midnight observer and the subversive anti-state group have anything in common?

I present Chapter One of EfD. Critiques and comments both WELCOMED, BEGGED FOR AND APPRECIATED! :D

Chapter One

Child of Fiction

“Abbie, did you ever forgive me for what I did? The God that we both serve has, although the remembrance of my sin at times weighs on me heavily; the more so as no word has reached me of the child to whom I pledged I would make it up for your sake. I am so sorry – more than you can ever know. I can only hope that when we meet up there all will be made well between us. I shrink from the horror that tomorrow will bring, and only my trust in my Saviour, that in my right mind, I proclaim Him as Lord, reassures me. God knows I cannot help what they do to me – what I say when my mind goes. I rest on His mercy and grace, and I know He will be with me. He has promised it. The light is fading; I must close. May whoever reads this diary learn from my mistakes, and be encouraged by my God! By His mercy alone, I dare to call Him mine. Peter Westcott.”

The musical voice of Nara Faheen faltered a little as she drew to a close. Hard-backed copies of the textbook slammed shut and shoved to the side. One fell on the floor. I glanced around at the hate-covered faces of my fellow students and then up at my teacher. For a brief moment, his eyes met mine, before he turned away.

“And that is yet another example of how the Christians and their teaching creep into our society and corrupt our finest and best, seeking to destroy the foundations of our glorious state.”

I bit my lip to stifle a yawn. Most of us were thankful that the students were ordered to read the book for this session of “social training.” Mr. Wallace droned on in a monotone that bored us most of the time, and combined with the afternoon’s heat, quite a few would have ended up in the head teacher’s office.
Mike Daniels, next to me, spit on the cover of the book and glanced over at me with a smile. Mr. Wallace shot a quick glance of approval at him. I frowned and picked up my own copy.


Never mind that it is a record of someone’s failings. He still held a glorious career in the state past, and we should be learning from his errors afterwards. This book needs to be preserved for future generations.


I flipped open the cover and glanced down at the page which normally held the dedication.

“This book was originally entitled ‘Born From Death’ by its author. However, considering the author’s status as a traitor, and the oxymoron title, we have published it under the state-approved title, ‘Lessons from a Traitor’ as no. 19 in the series, ‘Enemies of the State’.”

I couldn’t think of a more oxymoron title that the one which now labelled the front cover of the book.

They could’ve at least kept the name! It wouldn’t have hurt.

I touched the black and white shiny cover. A sharp “Ahem!” made me look up. I blushed and pushed back my chair, dropping the book on the desk.

“I beg your pardon, Mr. Wallace,” I said, stepping to the side of my desk.

The teacher scowled down at me, black brows drawing together.

“You seem to have a strange fascination with this book, Ms. Thomas.”

I gave an inward sigh. Mr. Wallace appeared to have a strange enjoyment in picking on me in front of my fellow classmates. I stared straight ahead.
He picked up my copy and waved it in front of my face.

“It has been noted that you hurry through your lessons to reach English Literature. Perhaps you have secret sympathies with such people as these, Ms. Thomas? Or maybe you feel there is a link to identity in the likeness of names between the Christian and yourself?”

I couldn’t prevent an inward start, and the gleam of triumph on his face showed that his random shot had told. One more moment and I’d be in the head office for sure.

“Perhaps I simply enjoy learning from you, Mr. Wallace,” I gave a tiny smile up at him, hoping my eyes expressed sincerity. “You train us so well in hatred of the State’s enemies; how could I wish to join them and lose the sacred right of defending the State and learning from you?”

I threw into my gaze and smile the girlish wiles I could use so well. He shifted his weight, gaze darting around the room, looking anywhere but at me. With conscious effort, I prevented my smile from becoming sarcastic.

“You may sit down, Ms. Thomas.”

I sat, hating the name and hating still more the man who used it. Nara shot me a sympathetic glance, and I met her eyes with desperation in mine.

I never meant to...I mouthed. She nodded but shrugged, looking helpless.

“Class dismissed.”

A headlong rush ensued as students raced in mad disarray for the door. I tried to keep to the middle of the press while searching for Nara, but stopped as a tight grasp fell on my arm.

“That was a good answer, Ms. Thomas.”

I felt goose bumps rise on my skin as Mr. Wallace looked me over approvingly, waiting for his next words.

“You may go.”

I stared up at him for a brief, stunned moment, before the realisation of his words sank in. I turned and pushed violently into the group.

“That was close.”

Nara fell into step beside me as we started down the corridor, heading outdoors.

“I know,” I shuddered, my hands clammy. “I thought...I thought that...”

“I know,” Nara said, putting her hand on my shoulder soothingly. “You thought after last time with his beating you that he wouldn’t want you again.”

I nodded.

“And the principal beats me worse than he does, so I thought I could risk flattering him...”

My stomach knotted and my voice trailed away. Nara stopped and looked at me, chocolate brown eyes dark with concern.

“Why don’t you go to the principal, Martha?”

I bit my lip.

“You really think he’s going to believe the word of a State orphan over one of his most loyal teachers? I’ll end up in solitary for several months, if not in a camp.”

Nara sighed, but didn’t argue. We both knew that I was right.

“All right, Martha. Just don’t risk yourself like that again, okay? We’ll pull through this, together. We’ll get into the military organisation, and then things will be better for us, eh?”

We stopped beside a tender young plant in a concrete box on the parade ground. She touched my cheek tenderly, a rare kindness in this place.

“They will have to stop looking at us as the ‘Christians’ brats’, hmm? We’ll conquer the world, you and me. We’ll prove our heritage is nothing to us and no reason to shame us.”

I blinked hard and gave her a small smile back.

“Thanks, Nara.”

“Nothing doing,” she said, easy. “What else are friends for?”

As the cold finger of the cheerless sunrays touched me, I could not suppress a shudder at the memory of Mr. Wallace’s eyes.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

I Will Survive :)

It is horrible...as a writer, never mind as a human. To find myself speechless, emotionally withdrawing from my friends once again, from my family.

So tired of people in real life trying to pry beneath the surface to get my emotions out of me, because I cannot even recognise them myself. That's what I mean by it being awkward as a writer. The poetry is not given to write, and the words refuse to come to my fingers. I can't express myself in words, verbal or written; I can't let out the raw emotion of now; the only way I can let it out is by pelting my ears with rock. And it's being to develop into the non-Christian side. Mom was right...let your doors open to Christian rock and it's easy to slip into the world's music. With that barrier down, you have worldly mindsets and values being pumped in through the rhythm and insinuated in the words.

I'm sitting here typing this with despair at my heart. The only peace is in knowing God uses all things for good in the end, and I daren't confront my emotions right now being in the turmoil of it. I'm wearing jeans and thick makeup, and listening to some of the world's music, all things which are totally against my principles. In fact, I'm starting to use rock to tune people and therefore pain out again.
Why am I? I don't know. I'm trying to feel different in myself, maybe hoping it will affect the inside. I don't know.

And if you're thinking of picking a fight over opinions expressed here, forget it. I couldn't care less. (Ie, that rock isn't wrong, that jeans on girls aren't wrong. It's what I believe deep inside, okay?)


I have changed over the last two weeks, and circumstances are as such that I can give out the smallest piece of information. Those of you who know my family personally, do NOT tell any other members of your family, attempt to get in contact with my family or let them know that you know, if you please. It's too raw for that right now. But we would appreciate your prayers.

My chat status reads as busy, and that is not because I do not wish to talk to you. It's simply that I can't concentrate on joining in light hearted chit-chat right now, and though I have no objection to hearing it, I know a lot of my friends are so sensitive that they'll pick up on my inability to join in and automatically think I don't want to talk to them. This is not the case, so if it's already in your heads, get it out.
My closest friends are also likely to get some level of emotional disengagement from me. I'm asking you, please don't pull away but give me some time to get a grip with this.

I'm feeling an emotional disengagement from all of you. It's part of a grief process I have to work through. I've a feeling I might lose and gain friendships on the way...just pray the ones I want most will stay. But "Thy Will be done."

Things with my parents' marriage have become increasingly difficult. Divorce is on the cards to be played. Prayer is much appreciated.
My sister is also going through a divorce right now, with her five month old daughter.
My brother has been brought out of the care home due to complaints that appeared serious, but it now seems to have been manipulative and he is rapidly returning towards his old self.
The state my mother is in, she doesn't need to cope with him right now. Pray his behaviour gets under some control, please!

As an explanation to my late internet times and also my constant connection/disconnection, I am no longer living at home, but staying with my mother and brother at my sister's. Mom shares a room with Sam; Jose and I sleep on airbeds on the living room floor. My sister is on maternity leave and struggling financially with supporting us all. Please pray that God will bless and provide for her richly.

I think that's the only explanation that needs to be given for now. Take care and God bless you all.

~Jane

Monday, March 07, 2011

Ready-Steady-Go!

My good friend and sister Samii and I did a writing race earlier, for 20 minutes. We wrote randomly as neither of us could think of or, I think, could have stuck with a subject line. I'm not sure what Samii came out with, as she had to leave immediately afterwards, but I had this.

Writing from the book I originally intended as my debut OYAN Adventure Novel, which was called "For Queen and Country", based on the life of a British slave girl, Andraste, who was in service to Queen Boudicea of the Iceni.



She looked up sharply as the leaves rustled again. At first she’d thought it was the wind that was brushing the branches with tender spring breezes, but the sound was too distinct for that. Glancing back down at the disturbed dirt tracks of a wild boar, she pretended that she’d heard nothing and moved on. A few moments later, she felt a footfall vibrate through the soil into the sole of her foot. She was definitely being tracked now. Nervously, she began to edge around a tree. Many wild things were loose in the woods, and she had no idea if it was a wild animal or what was far worse – a Roman. The Romans had never reached this far before, but all Briton children were subjected to the red cloaked bogeyman, and the tribes throughout the valleys and hills of Cymru lived in daily tension of when thousands of the metal studded sandals would crash in orderly rhythm across their lives, smashing everything familiar.

“Kyfri?” she called, a soft, thin wavering voice. Maybe it was her pet wolf, broken loose and following her.

The silence was broken as something – or someone – crashed through the brush. She screamed as a huge muscled man blocked her path, and turned to run. He put two dirt-darkened fingers to his mouth and uttered a piercing whistle. Pounding hooves raced towards them, threatening to cut off her escape. She fled, wildly, jumping logs and puddles of stagnant water, leaving easy tracks behind her as she slipped and stumbled along, crying blindly.


Why did I leave home this morning? I thought Mama wouldn’t mind my slipping out the house when I brought those flowers back....now she loses me for her birthday instead!


Nothing fooled her as to the men behind her. Slaves traders from another tribe. It explained why her mother had been keeping her and her siblings close to home for the past few days, and why her father had only left for brief hunting spells. The horse was close behind her now, and in increased terror, she took greater risks. One moment before she fell, she realised that the leap over the last log was too short. She struggled to get up, winded, but felt a pressure heavy in the middle of her back.

“All right, let her up!”

The horse neighed, and for a moment, she thought he meant to ride over her. The pounding halted, and someone grabbed the scruff of her gown, yanking her to her feet and spinning her round to face the horse.
He leaned down a little, a cynical smile crossing his darkly stubbled face.

“Probably the youngest slave I’ve ever handled. What’s your name, girl?”

She looked down. He jumped off the horse and shoved the butt of his whip under her chin, forcing her to look up.

“I asked you a question. Answer it now, unless you want the taste of the other end on your back.”

“I’m...I’m freeborn, and your countrywoman,” she managed to falter.

He laughed.

“We own no country but the one that pays us the most. Your name?”



And....there we end. :P If you want any more, you have to challenge me to another 20 minutes writing session. :P

Saturday, March 05, 2011

A Short Story

This is a snippet of a short story I wrote earlier. I am thinking of including it in Snapshots.



They had argued last night and this morning, bitter, fierce, sniping. Then silence reigned, a heavy, sullen blanket.
She came back in from cleaning out their chickens. He pointed to the microwave.

"Put it on for 30 seconds."

She started the microwave, looking a little puzzled. It bleeped, signalling the end. She looked at him.

"Take it out. It's yours."

She pulled out a plate of toast.

"Thank you."

"See, what an evil father you've got. He made you some toast because you were hungry and feeling like you were going to faint."

With an inward sigh, she cut two begrudged slices of cheese and ate it as a sandwich. She turned to the fridge and pulled out a carton of apple juice. With a brief laugh, she told him about last night at a meeting, where a friend had surprised her with apple juice instead of squash.

"I was so pleased because apple juice is my favourite drink!"

He glanced up.

"Oh, I bought you another carton of apple juice last night because I thought you hadn't got any more. What a wicked daddy you've got!"

Biting her lip, in silence she moved to the sink and began to wash the few breakfast things, knowing that later she would be scolded for not having dried them as well.

Staring down into the bubbly water, she fixed them with her intense, wistful gaze.

Thank you for caring for my physical needs. I do appreciate it. But I don't want that. I can live without it - and it spoils everything you've done when you shove it in my face. I hate it even more when you use it as a kind of indebtedness - 'I've done this and this for you, you should do this, this and this for me.' And when I give way a little, you try to throw all your responsibilities on me.

You wouldn't know that the type of love that draws the most from me is the silent kind, that cares for me inside and out without ever loudly proclaiming what it's done. You wouldn't even recognise me if you saw the inside me, because you've never cared to find out and you run away if I do try to show it.

Everything I do show you, you play back off against me at some point. Apple juice? Toast? I can survive without it. It's what you're starving me of inside that bothers me - and you can't even see. I love you as my dad, but I cannot give any more.


She put the last plate on the draining board and pulled off the gloves.

These are the words I wish someone would show you, but that I can never say.


Jane Johnson
5/3/11

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Harry Kyle



I told you I'd introduce you to my latest pet! Please to meet Harry Kyle Hound. He was my Uncle Robert's late Christmas present to me, and since I've had him, he rarely leaves my side.
He gives me all the affection I want, (almost :P) and is SO warm and soft and cuddly!

I should be bringing him with me to the States, God willing, so you'll all get to meet the Queen's pet puppy!





This is my favourite position with him: