Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Friday, December 28, 2012

Your Christmas Card


I'm lying here in a half numb, half blank, half calm (three halves, yes, I know :P) frame of mind.
Kristin just asked me how I was, and I answered, I'm thinking God is weirdly good.

Cause He is.

My mom's in need of prayer, a lot of it, especially as the first court date with my father on the 15th nears.

I'm lying here in emotional and physical pain.

And apparently I "don't have any major stress in my life", a comment I'm currently finding hard to forgive.

*smiles, thinking*

I messed up again recently. I do that frequently. And I've been convinced God's going to punish me, as usual.

If He has, He's done it in the sweetest way.

I might have lost most of the things I love, but God's shown me His love, His people, and Mom and Mr C are the most important things in life.

I might be in despair and lost in the darkness, but there's always someone out there who's more lost than me cause they haven't got the Light of the World guiding them.

My skin might be painful and my heart aching, but God's got something beautiful to do with all the pain.

My best friends - all ten of them - may have left, but He's still left people around to remind me that He does care. Even if they don't all know exactly what I am.

I might feel alone and useless, but He sent 27 people to remind me He's using me. Skype calls with my brother Brendan and his family, my daughter Kathryn and her sister and mother, chatting with my sister Kristin and the two girls I'm currently helping.

I'm still looking for jobs. I'm still praying for America. And I'm still planning on Ireland.

Oh, and yeah.

Your Christmas cards. :P

I was praying for them as I wrote them (most of them on the 15th), and I honestly...thought some of the things I was writing were weird and felt awkward in case they weren't...what I was supposed to be saying. Two comments have come back so far saying that they were exactly what was needed at a particular point in time.

Isn't God amazing? :)

And I might be as good as Balaam's donkey, but isn't it beautiful to know that He's changing me into something that speaks for Him?

Keep fighting. Keep singing. Cause there's something else I'm finding out. *smiles wearily*
I will never be always happy - and right now, am rarely happy. But I can be joyful.
And yes.
Joy is contagious.

Love in Christ,
Mademoiselle Siân

Monday, December 24, 2012

In Earth's Final Days

As Time itself drew to a close in Earth's final days, the system of life seemed to have gone back several hundred years. Feuds, wars between kings and knights that fought on horseback...beheading as capital punishment had become ways of life once more.
One could almost believe that old TV shows and films, like Doctor Who, were a reality, for there were upon the Earth many strange beings, the like of which had never been seen from the dawn of Time until now.

There arose a great and powerful Dark Knight who rode through the land, calling all the people who dwelt there in apparently ordinary lives to arms.

For a millennium, the world had lain quietly under the guidance of one King who reigned supreme in Jerusalem, capital of the much torn land of Israel. Yes...the problems of the world had centred around this one small city in one tiny country, as the book of ancient prophesy had foretold it to be a stumbling block. And once more, a King reigned in Jerusalem as had not been his like since the time of David.

The people obeyed the call of the knight to a man. Many hated and were afraid of the Dark Knight, but they were bound to him through choice, and because even though they now knew who he was, they were bound through their own fears - not of even him, but of the King.

The King was good. And they were not. And they knew it. They felt in their hearts more akin to the Dark Knight and his ilk, than ever they did to the King. Though they hated the Knight, they loathed the King in his glory and purity still more because they hated feeling bad about themselves.

However, you'll be wondering how the Earth could turn and be on the side of evil. After all, everyone is 'good'.

Good must always overcome evil. That is part of man's inbuilt moral code. If it doesn't, this code recognises that something is wrong (most of the time) and rejects it.

Therefore, good must be twisted to look like evil, and evil good, for the evil to prevail and man to accept it.

As man is already infiltrated with the power of evil, from the time that evil made out absolute good to be less, or "evil", and man chose the real evil as a 'better' good, whenever absolute good is around, it is abhorrent to man's nature.

But man must have a form of goodness, and there evil triumphs, for all it has to do is make itself appear to be a better good than absolute good.

When we chose absolute good, it will hurt. Because absolute good cannot reside in a nature already tainted by evil masquerading as "a better good". But the cleansing is worth it. Because good will always prevail.

So what happens in the war between the Dark Knight and the Great King?

Humanity as a whole has always recognised some major points. Here are three:
1) That we had a beginning.
2) That we have an ending.
3) That there was born on earth a man called Jesus Christ Who claimed to be the Son of God.

Jesus said, "I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life."

"This is the judgement, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But he who practices the truth comes to the Light, so that his deeds may be manifested as having been wrought in God."

"I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."

I think you know who my story was about now. ;)

So I have only one question I want to leave you with this Christmas. The most important question of all.

It's found in Matthew 27:22. And it says:

"Then what shall I do with Jesus who is called Christ?"

Your decision. But everything depends on it.

Happy CHRIST mas, everyone! God bless!

~Mademoiselle Siân

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Tears We Shed

Hands cradling a tall, slim mug of hot chocolate, I leaned back in the red leathery chair and stared at the patterned white ceiling.
Music from John Waller - "While I'm Waiting" played low in the background.

I'm waiting, Lord. But peaceful? Oh yeah...painful. And not easy? Boy, that's an understatement. I hate my hurting heart. Still trying to figure out how pain like that can be so bad that it physically hurts.

Raising my left hand, I stared, blank, at the wedding ring on the fourth finger. Using my knees to hold the mug, I twisted the ring, as usual, looking for the join, but it's never there.


Because it's a perfect circle. No beginning; no ending. It's endless.

Love endures everything.

I'm blinking back more tears as I'm writing this. Apparently it is possible to cry for two days.

This is God's love for us. And this is how we should love one another.

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love is not jealous.
Love does not brag.
Love is not arrogant.
Love does not act unbecomingly.
Love does not seek its own.
Love is not provoked.
Love does not take into account a wrong suffered.
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness.
Love rejoices with the truth
Love bears all things.
Love believes all things.
Love hopes all things.
Love endures all things.

Love never fails.

Why? Because God is. And God is Love.

Love loves enough to let go. Love does not force. And Love waits for eternity.

*cries* (Maybe I'll cry enough that there will be no more tears to shed. *wry smile*)

After that perfectly emotional and heart-hurting post, I figure I'll lighten the mood with what I'm doing "while I'm waiting" for God to move whatever He's moving, lead me wherever He's leading me, and show me what I'm to do with these few (thank God!) years of mortality I have left.

I'm trying to make my own wedding veil. :P

(Not MINE.)

I was bored making calls at work, so I did what I've done before and designed a few random wedding dresses.
Then I figured I may as well design some veils.
Now, I love to sew, but patterns confuse me. So while I wanted to make them, I thought about starting off on a somewhat smaller scale and see what happened.
So I spent £20 at our dear little shop, 'Hole in the Wall', and bought 3 metres of silvery organza, a box of silver beads and grey lace.

Then I finger-wove the headband, which will be attached to a band of elastic,. :D Here it is, in various stages of creation. (Took me over an hour with ten strands!)

IF it works, I'm going to try and sell it on eBay for roughly £50. Profit of £30 wouldn't be bad! :)

Yes, yes. I AM holding one strand in my teeth. :P ^

I've also got a short Christmas story which I may feel undrained enough tonight to scribble down, and share with you over the next couple of days.

But pray to love. And pray for God to change you. When you do, know intense pain is coming your way. But know He does nothing without a reason.
And you WILL be purified.
And you WILL be made like Christ.

Bow your head, and pick up your splinter of the Cross.

No matter the cross.
No matter the confusion when people tell you one thing (like you're wasting your life) and you're hearing another (Him calling you to wait).
No matter the pain. *bites lip*

He is worth it.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Verbal Post 2

Gosh, I sound so nerdy... XD

Anyway. On Michael Card, the closeness of God and the unspeakable aching.

Sunday, December 09, 2012

Love Is A Shelter

One of the best songs about love is in the film "Fireproof". It's written by Warren Barfield.

"Love is a shelter
In a raging storm.
Love is peace
In the middle of a war.
If we try to leave,
May God send angels to guard the door.
No, love - it's not a fight
But it's something worth fighting for."

To be honest, love feels like anything but a shelter. And right now, it feels like the raging battle.

I guess the key word there is "feels".

Those of you who follow me on Facebook will notice in the last few days I changed my relationship status back to single. (Because as we all know, nothing is official unless done on Facebook. *wry grin*)
I kinda caused a fight with Mr. C (remember, from In Love With Two Guys?), except he never fights. We're like the proverbial cat and dog. I yowl and scratch and leap and claw and he's like your faithful old Labrador...he sits there and is calm and takes it. *another wry grin*

It was a pretty big issue for me, though I can't and won't go into much detail. But yeah, I guess the relationship status change will have to signify how much.

I was angry. And hurt. And bitter. And in pain. I think I'm still a little of most, except the bitterness is replaced by confusion.

I decided that I couldn't cope any more...with the constant pain caused by this reoccurring situation. Although I couldn't love anyone the same again (and that's only understood if you know what a unique gifting this has been), I was going to leave myself open to the next relationship to come along. Thankfully, only three guys who I'd never marry pounced. :P

If you know me at all, you know that pain is something I can't stand. And to be hurting again is more than I can take.

Remember that I said the key word is "feels"?


Love isn't a feeling. I've preached that from here before too.

Love is a gift. A gift from God. And all love is based on the unconditional love of God. Until God Himself (who is Love) tells you to stop loving don't really have a right to.

There was, a long time ago, a dark night. A man knelt in a garden, crumpled under the weight of pain, rocking back and forth in his agony.
He had a few friends who'd come to be with him, for they had a feeling from some stuff he'd said earlier that evening that something bad was about to happen. But when he looked around at them, to find comfort in their presence there at the moment of his bitter anguish, he found that they were all asleep. And he was alone. His torment was something he'd never gone through before. It was a cool night, but his body was pouring sweat as his mind went through in every detail the agony of what was to come. And worst of all, his father's rejection. The hour when his father would see him, covered in guilt and shame, and turn away.

But - what was the horror that forced his hand to this? You see, the man was in love. A deep, committed love. And the bride that he'd chosen was filthy. She'd been created by his father, raised, nurtured, loved, cherished, made to be the son's bride for his companionship. And she'd rebelled and gone her own way. Spat in his father's face and defied him. And she'd also gone off and slept around with loads of guys, and even told people and almost believed it herself that she didn't know who they were any more.

And his father - well, he was the most perfect guy you'd ever meet. He was completely, 100% perfect. So he couldn't stand her being anywhere near him any more.
But the son had committed to loving that bride. And he loved her so much, he decided to lower himself to where she was now (he was the Crown Prince, you see) and to take her shame as her husband. And to pay the debt to allow her to come back into his father's presence. Which meant he had to die. But he also had to appear completely guilty before his father, and go through complete rejection.

I didn't have a good father, but I know something what it feels like when a father rejects you.

And he had to go through that all alone. And he loved his father so, so much...they were one in heart, mind and spirit. They did everything together. They were as one. So you can imagine in some small way what that man went through for his bride. Who didn't really have any claim on him. He'd Just chosen to love her that way.

I guess you know who I'm talking about.

Cause that Man's name is Jesus. The God-Man.

*cough* So love is commitment. Love is going through pain. Love is a choice.

If it's gifted you from God, it's nothing to lightly drop.

To be hurting again is more than I can take. But it's not more than I can take with God's Hand holding me. (Sheesh, did I Just say that...?)

If your love is struggling right now?

Go and find it shelter where it came from.

In Jesus Christ our Rock, for He is our Shelter. And yah...I'd say He knows something about love, wouldn't you?

So I'm changing my relationship status back to complicated. And this is the reason why.

Because love doesn't have to be returned, but it has to be given - no matter the cost or the pain.

Because God gave me this love, and it's nothing to throw away lightly.

Because love is not a fight. But it's something worth fighting for.

In Christ,
Mademoiselle Siân

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Love Gives Up

Lying here in bed (don't shout at me! :P) thinking. And therefore blogging.

Been having a few thinky days actually. Particularly in respect to one struggling friendship where I lean pretty heavily (and unfairly) on the other person. I've tried to back away before, to no avail. So I'm trying again.

I don't know how it'll go. I'll be praying and trying to move on to a new path, which I think will be best for both of us. I honestly don't know what else to do.

Which could mean an entirely different path for me than I'd dreamed.

Recently, I've been posting a lot of stuff in relation to marriage - mostly caused by the swarms of friends who are suddenly deciding to get into serious relationships, get engaged, and a certain group of them, married. Plus I'm looking at ways of extra income and thinking of how to design my own wedding veils and dresses (please note Pinterest explanation ;) ).

It strikes me that there's a certain depth of love that few of us can reach. The love that gives up.

It lets go.

And it doesn't stop loving. I dread the pain that comes with that. But with pain, as I've said so often, is growth.

Love that is a freewill sacrifice to God. It gives upwards to Him. It surrenders to Him.


Still thinking,
In Christ,