Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Desire

I want adventure in the great wide somewhere!
I want it more than I can tell.
And for once, it must be grand
To have someone understand;
I want so much more than they've got planned...

(BEAUTY AND THE BEAST)


ROSE: But what do I do every day, Mum? What do I do? Get up, catch the bus, go to work, come back home, eat chips and go to bed. Is that it?

MICKEY: It's what the rest of us do.

ROSE: But I can't!

MICKEY: Why, cause you're better than us?

ROSE: No, I didn't mean that! It was...it was a better life. An' I don't mean all the travelling an' seeing aliens and spaceships and things. That don't matter. The Doctor showed me a better way of livin' your life. (TO MICKEY:) You know, he showed you too. That you don't just give up. You don't just let things happen. You make a stand, you say no. You have the guts to do what's right when everyone else just runs away and I can't... *RUNS OUT*

(DOCTOR WHO; Series 1, Episode 13 - THE PARTING OF THE WAYS)


Purify my heart
Let me be as gold and precious silver
Purify my heart
Let me be as gold, pure gold

Refiner's fire
My heart's one desire
Is to be holy
Set apart for You Lord
I choose to be holy
Set apart for You my Master
Ready to do Your will


(BRIAN DOERKSEN)

What I want from life. :)

THERE IS ONLY ONE LIFE.

People say God put us here on earth to get ready for Heaven. It's an airport. Get ready for the takeoff. We live to die - first to ourselves, then completely.

Then we become completely alive in Him.

If we're here to prepare for that moment, I want to make the best of it that I can.

It's been frustrating me recently that all I do is get up, run out the house in ten minutes (cause I don't want to get up), go to work, work, come home on the bus, eat tea, maybe watch a film, get online, collapse exhausted and barely do anything on there, go to bed - repeat cycle. Five days a week.

If I make every moment of that count for Christ, even if it's just reading the Bible every spare chance I get, then it's gonna be worth it, somewhere. :)

Make the most of living. Don't give in to the pressure, the darkness and despair of the dullness. Hope on! You have only one!

~Mademoiselle Siân

Friday, July 20, 2012

The Secret of Life

It doesn't matter in the end. Whether friendship or love is reciprocated. Both are based on God's love to man - a model of it. We are to love unconditionally.

It took a lot for me to let go. Still does. I'm still letting go. Constantly. And fighting it. But walking away from the bus, I couldn't help but smile. I've wondered so often about my friend (the only one I really have in this area in Britain) as our relationship has really gone up and down. From stuff he says sometimes, I wonder if he even counts me as a friend at all.

In the end, it doesn't matter. It's hard when we extend our friendship, or give our love, and don't have it returned. Indeed, most times the reaction is to hurt, retreat and close down on the pain until it's faded or gone. The world teaches that if you get hurt repeatedly, in the end, love and friendship dies.

So it does.

Unless you're loving with Christ's love. When He fills you with His love to love out, when that love is in every area of your life where you love out - family, friends, spouse, even enemies - love never fails.

Christ loved us, when we hated Him. He died for us when we crucified Him. The purest thing in creation loved the filthiest - and by the majority, it was never returned.

We invert love. If it hurts us or doesn't give us anything of profit, we let go. We abuse the person who didn't return it, or ignore them.

Where's selfless love today? In Christ. In surrender. In letting go to be filled of His power to love.

Surrender. We're terrified of letting things go. As a fatherless young woman, one of my deepest, most painful and wanted desires was to be claimed, sheltered, defended. I knew God was my Defender, but I wanted someone who would be a visible, nameable, tangible presence to defend me and stand between me and other guys who pursued me wrongly. It took a long while, but eventually God softened my heart and I prayed, asking Him to make me willing to be willing to surrender this desire to Him. Then to be willing to surrender it. Then I asked Him to take it away. It's funny, when we're willing and trusting and knowing He knows the best, how easily the burden falls away once we ask. But He'll not take it if we aren't willing.

He took it. But weeks later, even maybe a month or two, He gave it back to me in a different, new and unexpected way. Because I'd let go on even trying to shield myself, but prayed for Him to be my Defender - something He is STILL doing, still in that place in my life. Which is why I think He gave it back. When He was in first place. It's not that God withholds good gifts from His children. It's that He asks to be in first place, at the head of them; not the desire for them. So for Him to give it back like this is... *laughs and shakes head in awe* God is so amazing. So, so awesome. And so GOOD.

It comes down to trusting Him, in the end. Trust. *grins again* The first thing God taught me after He brought me back from backsliding was how to love. He kept one friend in the most sensitive - and only sensitive - part of my life, who was then like a thorn in it because he wouldn't leave me (I was trying to kick him out), and taught me to love once again. God didn't just show me how to love - I saw His character and His love to mankind and me personally in hundreds of ways, as He developed the love and opened it to enclose others. Now He's teaching me trust - which is part of being able to surrender.

The way He's teaching me to trust is so strange and so funny at the same time! *smiles* I don't trust easily, and He's teaching me to trust again through someone who was at one time the only person I trusted, and who accidentally broke it. ...you can imagine how interesting a battle this is. :D

He's teaching me to trust this person again...to trust Him to trust this person, and through learning to trust this person, I'm learning how to develop a very real trust for Him!

*laughs again* Only God could orchestrate something like this. And only God could carry it out to the finer details.

I think faith and hope is next on the schedule. I'm not sure how He's going to teach those, but I can't help but be shakily excited! And scared.

But what need I fear of the ways He will lead me? Perfect love casts out fear. God is perfect, God is love, and God is perfect love. God in us casts out fear. :)

Trust Him!

In Christ,
~Mademoiselle Siân~

Friday, July 13, 2012

I Wanna Marry You

I'm reclining here (yes, I use that when I don't want to admit I'm lolling back on my bed typing and thinking :P) listening to a song I hate.

Yep...a pop song.

The one I hate most (that I recognise) is "Moves Like Jagger" - and that's because it stays in my head for DAYS or WEEKS.

I thought Bruno Mars was a pretty cool guy when he first came out with an ace song like "Just the Way You Are". Some of the lyrics were on the line, but the principle behind it recognised a basic insecurity/problem with girls and tried in its way to deal with it.

Since then, I've heard two more of his songs, "Lazy Song" and "Marry You". I hate both.

I'm not going to bother dissing Lazy Song. It's disgusting, and that's all I have to say.

But Marry You is, all the way through, a rip-off of everything I believe. It treats marriage as a light-hearted, flippant decision.

Which it isn't.

Next to the choice of accepting Christ as Saviour, I believe marriage to be one of the most important decisions a human can make.

If you haven't listened to the song, feel free:

,

"It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you."

Marry on fancy without thought of the consequences.

"Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go,
No one will know,
Oh, come on, girl.
Who cares if we're trashed; got a pocket full of cash we can blow,
Shots of patron,
And it's on, girl."

Marrying without anyone knowing...? Hardly the way to treat a sacred covenant...And unprepared...

"Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like oooh,
So what you wanna do?
Let's just run girl.

If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool.
No, I won't blame you;
It was fun, girl."

Why in the world would you go into something that serious with eyes masked by a crush...seriously. And that's treating breaking up like it's NORMAL...

"Don't say no, no, no, no-no;
Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah;
And we'll go, go, go, go-go.
If you're ready, like I'm ready.

Cause it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

Is it the look in your eyes,
Or is it this dancing juice?
Who cares baby,
I think I wanna marry you.

[x2]
Just say I do,
Tell me right now baby,
Tell me right now baby, baby."

I do...to what? Seriously.

"Oh, it's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do.
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you."


I fancy you...so I wanna marry you whether we're ready or not without another though, and we can belong for a while until we get tired of each other, then we can split up, and it'll all be fine.
Emotional attachments, broken hearts, children...wow. Very considerate.
Broken vows before God...
But of course, He doesn't come into the question.

A three fold cord isn't easily broken...when God is in the equation, it IS meant to be a lifelong covenant.

So...the reason I'm lying here listening to it and writing this? Because...it annoys me...and it's stuck in my head. This is usually an effective way of driving it out. :P

Problem is, it's drumming the words in. For someone who doesn't believe in God, the careless beat in keeping with the words is also carrying the words in to form a mindset the person who is listening will barely even know they've fallen prey to.

But there's hope...

Because beats carry words. And if one mindset can be created by the power of music - SO CAN WE. It's not just in the words, guys. It's in the music.

Play it! YOU CAN CHANGE IT.

~Siân

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Beauty and Pain of the Cross

It's beautiful. The cross.

It's symbolic. It's pain and it's agony and it's separation from God and reunion with God. It's suffering and dying and it's healing and life.

Pain comes to all of us. Sometimes in the worst ways. Like when God asks us to sacrifice the nearest and dearest thing or person we love.
"God, I surrendered!"
"Then let go."
"But You might not bring them back!"
"I know. Trust Me."

Tears.
Pain.
Agony.
Surrender.
Peace.
Beauty.

Beautiful tears and joyful sobbing in the torment. Because He is God and He is the master of the paradox and He can make it so.


I looked up at my colleague Charlotte. Both of us had delayed lunch breaks, due to the length of the survey we were on, before lunch was called.

We were talking about my trip to the USA, and then ended up on our differing beliefs.
Oh! It started with my ink writing on my arm and wrist:
"Espérance - Hope",
"Love endures everything. 1 Cor 13" and
"Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him!"

She asked me if I believed in God, and then said that she used to attend church "but stopped it when I was a kid. I do believe in reincarnation though."

I'm not really aware of what had jolted me in our conversation, why I spoke of it, and without really understanding the strange attraction which God often gives me towards people, but in five minutes I had sketched in a few brief sentences my life over the past year.

She commented on it being good to hear other peoples' stories as it makes us grateful and stop complaining about ours. "But it's a shame it had to happen."

I laughed.

"It's true! It makes us grateful and giving to others. And while I wouldn't have chosen what's happened, I wouldn't swap it. God's able to use everything I've been through to reach out to other people."
And I knew the joy of the Lord in my soul and couldn't help but wonder if and pray that she could see it in my face as I smiled at her and simply said, "It's been good."


A few hours later, I held a sobbing, crumpled woman with a tender, beaten and broken heart in my arms.
She wasn't crying because she was hurting.
"I'm so sorry. So so sorry that you have to be going through this at 20."
That's love.

No one should have to. It's not a perfect world. And neither should she at 57.

But God is good.

And I smile as I look back at Charlotte, and realise that even this sharpest conflict between God and me right now will work through to His will. Even though it costs me the bitterest pain yet.

Because God is good.

And love hurts.
And that's good.
Because without pain, there couldn't be love. Or growth.

God loved.

That's the beauty of the cross. He died.
That's the peace of the Christian. Total surrender and death to self, hopes and dreams.

Sacrifice at Moriah and remember all He has done.

"Glorious Almighty God! You are faithful through the ages."

Trust and obey. And love still.

Because God is God. He IS. And He is Love.


~Siân Garner-Jones