Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

Broken Snowline

Imagine - I don't care whether you're the imagining type or not, close your eyes and imagine here :D - imagine you're on the edge of a dark forest, looking out across a field of fresh snow.

The sun is about to rise, and as the first few glints bounce off the ground, you see that the snow is completely white, pure, unbroken. It looks. Totally. Stunning.

Purity does. :)

There's no way home except to cross that field. But as you look down at your feet, you realise that there's a mess of gunk and black stuff and mud and slime covering your wellies, from walking through the forest. But you're a snow lover and you really don't want to spoil that snow.

Cautiously, you step to a nearby stream of crystal clear, flowing water and one at a time, take each boot off and wash it.

Cause after all, you've only got two choices. To trail the gunk of the forest into the pure clean unmarked snow, or to walk out with fresh clean steps.

It's called a New Year, and the difference is walking into it carrying on with the weight and burdens of the past one, or with letting go, taking the Lord's Hand and trying to start afresh.

Which is terribly tiring, I admit.

But there's definitely something to the phrase "walking in faith and victory". It doesn't mean you've conquered every encumbrance. But it does mean that you can lift your head up, get up when you've fallen and travel on in the hope that a brighter day is coming when you'll win out, or God will win out, over this thing.

Christmas and January.

I've always anticipated them with almost a childish delight. :) The beauty of Christmas where you can walk past a perfect stranger on the street, smile and say Happy Christmas! and they respond in kind.
The joy of a New Year when it lies filled with shadows and mystery and adventure and a fresh unbroken joy to be lived and fulfilled.

Apart from the last two Januarys.

January 2011 was when my mom found my dad looking at pornography - the start to a long and painful divorce process. It was also the month Mr. C (by pure accident, believe me) found out that I loved him.

January 2012 was when I regained one of my old best friends as a friend after a year and three months on an I-can't-be-close-because-of-emotional-purity stint (which meant a year of trying to rebuild that friendship with a very mistrusting me) and also the month my best friend (like, the one guy I completely trusted) flew out to Florida and was arrested on arrival (later sentenced to five years imprisonment), destroying (in human terms) all chance of his earthly happiness and leaving him to God.

I can't really say I'm looking at the next 31 days with any particular excitement. Or, haven't been.
I've learned to be afraid of the shadows, to dread the adventure, to cower from the mystery in fear of the pain.

*chuckles slightly*
God's given me two new girls to look after/try to help recently. As most of you know, that's what I believe God has called me to do; whether full time in the future or as a side thing like now, it's what He's called me for.

They both deal with the issue I've dealt with most - selfharm. One is ready to deal with it, one isn't. Both require love and attention and being listened to.

When trying to assist a cutter who wants to stop, guide as much as possible so you're putting stability into their (often broken) lives, but also make sure you're giving them as many options as possible. They need to feel that they are in control and are stopping.
Suggest things and tell them, it's up to you, and, only if you're comfortable with it. It helps provide security, a comfort zone & no walls. If they really want you to make the decision for them, do so, but go easy on it and don't be unwilling to change if possible.

As usual, there are things in common with both of them that usually are in common with people who selfharm - broken families, and belief - backed up by the voices or actions of people around them - that they are ugly, useless or worthless.

As such, I've (invented? maybe?) tried to get one of my girls and one of my daughters working on the Beauty Project.
Basically, we've got one week to look up beauty in a concordance and see what God has to say on us. And we're doing a report for next Saturday/Sunday.

God's amazing, working on me working with these girls. *laughs* I'm going to have to believe I'm beautiful because if I don't, my girls will not believe it!
If you teach something you do not believe, you are not only refusing to practice what you preach, and are being a hypocrite, but you are also instilling doubt into their mind because you're contradicting what you're teaching them.
For example, if my girls tell me they're ugly and that's why they selfharm, and I tell them they're beautiful in the eyes of God, and then they see me post in response to a compliment, I'm really not pretty, or, you're prejudiced, what will they think?

The second thing He's shown me that is going to be a pretty painful path to walk this year, is my lack of love.
*rubs hand over forehead and laughs at your faces* Yes...lack of love.

It's easy to love someone who is more than likely going to love you, or even if they reject you, is fascinated enough by your loving them to keep coming back.

It's very hard to love someone who hurts you at every turn, every time you leave yourself vulnerable, or every time you're hurting and they hurt you further.

But God did it. And so must I, in His strength alone and with His help.

It's not to love the unloveable. That's not so hard for me.
It's loving the unloving.

So grow in grace.
Grow in knowledge.
And grow in our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Wash your sins and burdens of last year in the Stream of Living Water.
Take His Hand.

And start making fresh tracks.

Love you!

~Mademoiselle Siân