Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

When You're In Love....

If you've been in love, and stuff happened. I think...I hope...we pray...this might help. Which is the only reason we're sharing.
Because God allows things to happen for a reason. And a lot of the time, it's so what we've gone through can minister to others.

Apparently love cannot break down all walls.
But prayer does.
1 Corinthians 13.
It breaks your heart.
Live it.
It brings you to the heart of love.
God.
You won't be shielded from the pain.
Pain is born to expand your heart.
To love ever deeper.
And thus know His heart.


Carissa: *hugs* I'm sorry, dear... I am praying. Keep close to God.

Me: *hugs back* Thank you. I'm trying, but my physical health is starting to fail now. I...found...something...out..accidentally. It hurts...
Praying...
He's not talking to me and I don't know why.
Trusting God and keeping refocusing...but it's very. Crushingish. Even though I'm at peace. If that makes sense.


Carissa: *sighs* That is hard. You are doing right. It does make sense...


Me: I knew you'd understand. *blinks back tears and smiles weakly* Thank you. *hugs* I just...wish my physical health didn't collapse every time he walks away.


Carissa: *smiles back softly* You are welcome. *hugs back* Yeah... I will pray for you about that. Try your best to keep your mind fixed on Him. It's the best way I know of reducing stress (and thus giving your body a break.)


Me: I'm really trying - keep giving him back, praying for him whenever my mind wanders, praying for both of them, reading the Word, focusing on waiting on God and praying and trusting He knows what's going on, but I can't help my body.


Carissa: Good. Keep on...


Me: Yes ma'am. *tiredly*


Carissa: I know how tiring it is... I still have to do the same things. Ask Him for strength.


Me: Hope seems indefatigable. I just keep wondering if it's the wrong kind of hope, whether it's planted by Him or whether it's me wishing...I bet you have the same...what do we pray?
I know WAITING on Him will gain strength. Still learning that. This is costing so, so much...yet...I'm growing more than I have in a while.
God WILL move if it's His will. If not, I'll keep doing what I'm doing where He's put me til He moves me. IF He moves me.
So scared He won't.


Carissa: I do have the same sort of hope... the prayer I am learning is "Thy will be done." And then, with that, choosing to delight in His will--no matter what.
And yes, the "no matter what" is slightly terrifying. I've prayed that prayer. Before all this. But I know this: His will is BEST. Even if we have no clue how it can possibly be.


Me: *nods silently* Oh, C'rissie..it HURTS.
I'm afraid I keep praying the first part, too..."If it be possible, let this cup pass from me" BEFORE the "Thy Will be done."


Carissa: I understand that. I really, really do... It's HARD. It hurts so much. I am astounded to think of how much more, even, He hurt and hurts for us...


Me: I keep thinking, you know...if I'm hurting this much over my love not being returned..and confused and not understanding the walls he has against me...then...how, how it must hurt Him when the world rejects Him....


Carissa: I know...


Me: I hate hurting. I hate the constant random crying. I _so. much. wish. for. both. you. and. me. that we could have had a normal relationship._
And yet.
What would we have missed if we'd have abandoned love because of the pain...?
Cause we'd have abandoned Love because of the pain...


Carissa: Yes... *smiles a little* I think... I think... ironically enough... that we've been especially blessed. Our lessons are much, much harder in this area than most people's. But they are all the deeper and sweeter for it... And I know that someday, maybe not here, but someday, it will all make sense and we will see the beauty in it. We will see the hand of Love that led us this way.


Me: "My Life is but a weaving
between my Lord and me;
I cannot choose the colors
He worketh steadily.

Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I, in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper,
And I the under side.

Not til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly,
Shall God unroll the canvas
And explain the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the Weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned.

He knows, He loves, He cares,
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives His very best to those
Who leave the choice with Him.

...

A cross, a bleeding heart, a crown.
What greater gifts are given?
Be still, my heart, and murmur not.
These are the Keys of Heaven.


Carissa: *smiles* I like that, in so many ways...


Me: *smiles back softly* Yeah...
Here's the other one...

Not ours to know the reason why unanswered is our prayer,
But ours to wait for God’s own time to lift the cross we bear.

Nor ours to know the reason why from loved ones we must part,
But ours to live in faith and hope, though bleeding be the heart.

Not ours to know the reason why this anguish, strife and pain.
But ours to know a crown of thorns, Thy grace for us to gain.

A cross, a bleeding heart, a crown, what greater gifts are given?
Be still, my heart, and murmur not, these are the keys to heaven.

'Tis ours to know the better part, whereby a crown is won,
Then loving God I ask not why, "Thy will, not mine, be done."

Yea, Thy way, Lord, not mine, I pray; I give to Thee my will,
And humbly seek Thy grace and aid, this better part to fill.

It was not always thus with me. I loved my way the best,
But that is past, Thy way is mine, in it alone is rest.


Carissa: That is great too. Well, I'm heading off... Thank you for sharing those poems. They encouraged me. I'll be praying.