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Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The Parental Godhead (Part 2)

Some of you readers may remember that last year in October, I posted a blog called, "Smashing the Laws of Pharisaical Parenthood." Today is a follow-up to that.

There is one example I can find in the Bible of parents and children in regards to marriage.

Note: I am not going off the time period that the Bible was set in, where kids were married off by their parents - which is virtually what happens today. And what's going on NOW is a control idea found in the conservative Christian churches, demonstrated in the following article, written by Caleigh Royer.

Relationships, A Series: Part One. If you start reading them, make sure you get to the end of the series before you come back with a response. :)

As many young people as I have witnessed being torn apart by parents for as trivial as an issue as, "We conflict with the father and the marriage should involve both families," when they read this article, they're always, "THIS IS SO FAMILIAR. *tears*"

Check Genesis, where Abraham's servant goes to find Rebekah.
Her parents don't TELL her what to do. They say to her, Will you go with this man? She made that decision.
They didn't stamp their foot down because it was too far, because they would more than likely never see their daughter again, they didn't know the guy for years and they only had his word for it Abraham was alive and that he even had a son.
They asked her if she would go.

Parents are there to lead when we are children and to guide when we are older, but as adults, they _do not_ have the right to tell us what decisions we make. They can give us advice, and pray for us, but what is between us and another person is between us, that person and God at the end of the day.

If two young people are earnestly and truthfully seeking God in relation to whether they should start a relationship together, then God will guide them. Sure, parents, close friends and family should be supporting them with prayer, but those prayers are not the deciding factor.

When a relationship is started, and sometimes even before that, when the bond is formed, hearts will be involved. It's all very well saying that you won't choose to love until you start walking down the aisle, but I'd like to propose love doesn't have an on-off switch. In itself, it is a bond - the bond.
Love can vary in depth and degree, but it is, or should be, always there.

So hearts are very fragile. And are going to get damaged, be bound together - or be smashed.

The Bible describes marriage as a man leaving his father and mother, cleaving to his wife and the two becoming one flesh. A new family is started. A family lead by the man - not by his parents or her parents.
The parents may have influenced who the young people are, but the parents are not those two people.
The act of pursuing a relationship means - or should mean - that a man and a woman are ready to commit to that and start their own family. They take advice off everyone, for sure, but no one decides who or who not they marry. That decision is between God and them. That also means that no one has the right to end the courtship. Apart from those two. Courtship is a time where people learn to grow - together.

If the relationship is started by the parents' allowance, guided by the parents' control and the marriage allowed (by a miracle :P) by the parents, then what's going to happen when suddenly the two young people find themselves together and the parents are, "Well, it's over to you now"? It's hardly failsafe. Unless, of course, the parents start controlling the marriage, which at the best is going to end in friction and misery and at the worst will end in divorce.

Courtship is designed to lead towards marriage. The act of two sinful imperfect beings coming together before God to help each other towards God.
Neither of those two people are perfect - and t'would be a great pity and problem if one of them was. True love is where those imperfections are seen and both young people come together to help each other fight them and grow towards God. The key word being together. If they truly love each other, they will love both the good AND THE BAD. Not in spite of the bad. And will try to help each other grow towards God.

Any problems brought up by the parents should be examined independently by the young people - not just accepted as a reason to end the relationship. As previously said, both of them are sinners. Only one person in the relationship/courtship/marriage is and will be perfect, and that is God.
When hearts are engaged, it's owed to both of them for this to be independently examined.

Attacks are never nice and, coming from the people closest to you, they are the most painful, mind twisting and terrifying. Believe me, I know.

True love isn't an emotion and can never be put away lightly. Sometimes you can almost hate the other person and yet, you are still called to love and ask God for grace to keep loving.
When the storms hit home, it's when real love is put to the test. It's when you make the choice to stand together, fight together and grow stronger together, or when you pull apart, leave two broken hearts and a smashed relationship and scars.
Neither choice is pretty. Neither choice will be pain free and both choices are incredibly hard.

Satan is the author of confusion and who least wants godly marriages working out these days? I'm pretty sure it isn't God.

Be careful. Love God. Choose well. But remember - it is your choice, and yours alone.

In Christ,
Mademoiselle Siân