Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

When Memories Journey...

Standing in the cold, hands in my pockets with cars splashing past, I gaze up at the inky blue sky.

No stars are out, for it's heavy with clouds. Kinda hard to believe that the shortest day has come and gone. Soon, though, the difference will start to show. Six long months of waiting, and light will come again. Light will always come again...until the Light of the World comes to outshine it forever.

It's a night like any other. The X51 is late. It's always late recently, and my skin is a grey-purply-white shade when it arrives at the bus stop, 20 minutes after me. I'm in jeans and a jumper, like I would be any other dress down day before Christmas. "Days of Elijah" is on repeat and I'm having a hard time not singing aloud.

Thoughts are busy romping in my head though. Cause this is the last night I shall ever travel home on the X51 from work.
I glance up the street as I board the bus.
Emotions are mixed as I prepare not only to change my travel, but also to leave my home of two and a half years and my hometown. It may be a rough place, Walsall, but I was born and raised there. Funny how attached you can get to little things. Little things...that often stay permanent, longer than people. But even those little things change, reduce to smaller, and you're left with fragments of a life...a doll from the prize table...a fragment of metal from Brunel's SS Great Britain...a tattered Bible from Sunday school.

That's another thing I'll be leaving behind...the church where my parents ran Bethany Christian Fellowship for eleven years was just around the corner from where we've been living.

The memories connected are definitely not all pleasant. But they are nothing I am...leaving without...nostalgia.

I started waiting for the guy I love just after my parents split, when we were living on my sister's living room floor.
I have walked the streets of this neighbourhood and travelled this path to work in tears, in pain, in numbness, in joy and wonder and Godfilled awe.
This. God has...been very good to me.
It's very fitting...that my wait started around the time I began living here, and has ended just before I left. To start another part of life...

Passing the place where the bus stops near my twin brother's home. I'm tempted to get off the bus to visit him, to get off the bus and trot down the little twisty country lane, all dark with puddles. But not tonight, I think.

No, I'm going to get off at the pub and walk the forty five minutes walk home. I want to retrace the paths where I've wept and cried before God, where He has walked and talked and brought comfort to pass over the Delves Green, the place where I've taken so many prayer walks, stopped to dwell on the sunsets and let peace sink into my soul, read the word, talked with kids who were rough and lighting fires but kindly and interested and lonely.

Walking down this path, smelling of damp earth and pungent leaves, I recall the first time I met Andrew Abraham and walked him to the bus stop, stopping on the way as I cried on his shoulder while telling him my life story.
So many memories...I'm in no hurry to get home tonight.

Time I walked down here, high after kissing a boy, rebelliously happy in my fight to stop the pain of waiting. Oh, I struggled so much waiting. Did I learn, truly learn that lesson of waiting on the Lord? I pray so.

I would love to cut the corner over the grass as I've done so often in my bare feet, slipping my shoes off until I got back to the concrete, but it's too muddy. It's been raining too hard today, and my shoes have holes in them, and I still have the walk across the Delves Green yet.

No, I'm in no hurry to get home tonight, for I will never walk this path again.

CCM playing in my left ear, the wind rushing past my right and the noise of cars on...
"As Your will unfolds in my life"..."and as I wait, I'll rise up like the eagles"...

The noise of an aeroplane overhead makes me glance up to the glowy lights overhead. Yah...from my first flight to America in June 2011 to my fourth in October 2013, and all three flights to Ireland, all trips have started from here.

Oh, what a walk and trial of faith it's been. It is.
Even now, leaving everything I've known. It's a new step of life. A new era.

My heart is full tonight. I'm going to share the rest of this walk with my Best Friend, Father and Lover, Who's walked this path with me before and will also walk the next one.
Memories get tied to walks, but there's always a new walk, and never a reason not to take the only One who will always be with you along.


I step inside the door, shoes muddy, splattered a little with raindrops from the trees and other things dripping overhead. The joy of communion and knowing the presence of God reflects joy and peace into every ounce of my soul til I feel like I'm glowing, even though I know I'm not.
I start collecting the boxes and bags, taking some into my room and beginning to fold clothes into them.

The end of an era. The start of another. Life with God is always an adventure.

It's never going to be pain free. But pain separates me more and more from the things of this world and turns my eyes to Him.
And it's also never going to be Godfree. That I can count on.

I have lost so much.
But I've gained so much in return. A love that never fails. A Father Who always protects. A brother Who always looks out for me.

This is my God, and I will worship Him. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

"The secret of life is letting go,
The secret of love is letting it show...
This journey of life is a search for joy,
This journey of faith is following You
Every step of the way,
Through the joy and the pain...
All my days are in Your Hands.
Holy is our God,
Holy is Your Name,
Mighty are Your works and deeds and
Wondrous are Your ways,
For all that You have made
Shall return and give You glory, Lord."

Saturday, December 21, 2013

Lord of Time (Guest Post)

This Wednesday many of you will be eagerly looking forward to an exciting event because it is an event that only happens once a year. A story about a man that came, not of this earth, but from the heavens, to save mankind from peril. A man who died and was resurrected into a form not recognised by his followers. A man who came to heal the world from evil and give us all a unity and hope for the future.

Yes. That’s right. We’ll see the airing of the New Doctor Who Special this Wednesday…

But it’s also the day we celebrate the birth of the First Doctor. The one that came to heal the world. To fix the peril, not from an alien robot, or a weeping angel, but from mankind itself. From our disobedience that resulted in sin. He came into a world that was suffering, and still is suffering, to fulfil the prophecy of a saviour. He literally healed the sick, like a doctor in the conventional sense of the term, but he didn't use bandages or syringes. He didn't even use a sonic screwdriver.

He just used faith.

And the reason he did it was not even to heal their illnesses, but to demonstrate to mankind the power of faith. He taught us that even a really tiny mustard seed of faith is enough to move mountains. Faith has more power than any TARDIS can handle. No amount of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff can match it’s awesome power. Faith in Him and His Father leads to power that truly transcends time and space. The Father knows what you ask of Him even before you say it.

He is the true Time Lord.

The first doctor didn't need to save mankind every year, from the latest peril, from the latest attack of alien threat. Not from the Starship Titanic crash landing into Buckingham Palace.

He did it once on a cross. It is finished.

He used His body, He gave it to us as a gift. He let Himself be sacrificed. His blood was spilled to wash away our sins. Through this covenant He has given us the gift of eternal life.

Every tree has His special gift waiting for you. All you need to do is use the power of faith to unwrap it. Believe in Him, confess your faith in Him, repent from and turn away from your sin and you can have this free gift too.

The First Doctor, the true Time Lord is Jesus Christ. I thank God that we have His birthday to celebrate this Wednesday. While I certainly enjoy the entertainment we get to watch, I truly hope and pray that anyone reading this will have so much more excitement for His coming than for the fiction that airs on television this week.

~Benjamin Skan

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Tidal Waves predicted, I'm not doing too well. At all.

Though the surface is doing nicely and will continue to do so. However, the cracks are there. I'm not posting this for any sympathy, so please don't give me any. I just wanted to let you know that my blog is going to continue, as I'm fighting to see God's Hand in all things still, and I will be posting a blog post from about two weeks ago at some point which is when I was still numb with shock.

Currently, I feel like I'm in a little rowboat, seeing a gigantic wave from a tsunami bearing towards me. I'm rowing frantically trying to get away but all I can see is the wave and...yah.
That's probably the best description. ;)

This has seriously been the worst blow of my life. I did not trust or respect my father or brother, so that was never lost before, but this time, that has been destroyed too. Prayers are really appreciated.

Life moves on; it's nearly Christmas, and Mom got married yesterday. I'll try and post a couple of official photographs as soon as we get them.
Here's one snap of me with my two best girlfriends in the UK, Sarah and Stephanie and Catherine, who is...also close. XD
We sized off for this one, so from front to back: Sarah, me, Catherine and Stephanie.
Thank you very much to Lisa! <3

Stick close to God. He is worth it. No matter the price. (I'll see that again soon.)

Love in Him,

Wednesday, December 04, 2013

In Search of a Song

In Search of a Song was a book I owned in my early teens. It's the story of Jennie and Stephen, two young people who moved to a tiny town called Jaffrey. Both of them rebelled initially against the move, but they met, formed a friendship through this and started to learn contentment together in the Lord's plan. Other characters help them towards this too.
Jennie, of course, falls for Stephen, though it's a tiny subplot and not at all the heart of the story. It's neatly and unobtrusively woven in. Stephen goes away to school and Jennie stays at home.

Right towards the end of the book, Stephen's sister, Julia, tells Jennie of a girl called Laurie who Stephen's been getting close to and taking out at school.
Stephen has a short soliliquay about how much Laurie and Jennie are alike, but the differences in Laurie which draw him to her romantically make Jennie only a special and dear sister to him.

Laurie is brought home to meet Jennie and shares her room. The girls get along great, Laurie bubbly and telling Jennie about all the things Stephen's done for and with her, and Jennie's sitting there smiling, with her own memories. She eventually learns to even submit this to the Lord, but it doesn't go into too much detail and the epilogue is quite short, making me think that perhaps the author went through this situation themselves and still found it too painful a memory to deal with.

I didn't handle the book very well at the time, because I could well imagine the kind of massive pain that would bring and the fear entered my heart that this situation would be one I would be called to face. As it sorta is now, which perhaps is part of the reason I've cut the guy so entirely from my life.

I found the book again today, and, ignoring the ache inside, flipped to that last short section, where Julia tells Jennie that Stephen's bringing Laurie for a visit.
Here's a short quote from it.
"Jennie well knew that the measure of her acceptance of anything hard in her life would be directly related to the measure of her trust in God."

Someone asked me what God was doing with all this.
He was teaching me to trust Him. With my deepest emotions. With the essence of my heart. With the place I was most vulnerable, with the person I was most vulnerable to.
That's what happens when you let God have your love life.
Nothing is to be ours. Not even those closest to our hearts. Not even the emotions deepest to us.

Christ must be Lord of All, or He is Lord of nothing. It is something I've known from childhood, but until experienced, it stays that way.

Keep going. Keep open to Christ. Allow Him access. The pain will be turned to beauty. Christ is worth it - the Only One worth it. Through the fire, like gold refined.
Keep. Trusting. On.

In Him,