Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

On Romantic Relationships and More

Basically, a couple of thoughts from my much pondering brain. Which is currently on overload.

Firstly - I really need to sort things out.
My chats are going into disarray; I have to start implementing a system of replying to every chat systematically before replying to one twice.
I have to specifically start setting housework time aside, like I'm doing with sibling visits.
I also have to set paperwork, letterwriting and cleaning times aside. I'm useless with all of these and they all desperately need improving.

Secondly - I've found out a way to literally keep my brain turning over during the dead-pan time of being on the phone for seven hours with no surveys, which fact a) teaches persistent patient cheerfulness to the respondents, b) it shows me my ill attitude at the increase of pressure and irritation at not being free to do what I want to do and c) makes me want to throw my computer and phone out the window.

Anyway - the way. :P It's kinda like the word association game we play on OYAN - write a word and write down the following instantaneous thought.
I started with Golf - orange - blue - sky - roses - pink - bloom - delicate - fragile - glass - crystal - shine - polished - duster - gleam - sunbeam - ray - sun - dust motes - glisten - tears - rain - salt - sea - sand - beach - Texas - **** - love - **** - curious - entangled - **** - struggle - kiss - ******** - pain - Brendan - greatcoat - cool - Sherlock - book - pipe - tobacco - cigarettes - smoke - fire - warmth - glow - flicker - eyes - light - merry - smile - sweetness - chocolate - dark - bitter - milk - soft - white - dull - intelligent - **** - **** - love - why - question - puzzled - scared - happy - writing - rejection - pain - fear - walls - shield - armour - knight - rescue - brave - bold - courageous - daddy - baby - adorable - sweet - innocent - longing - wistful - marriage - life - sorrow - wounds - healing - years - old - scars - beautiful - use - help - gift - presents - Christmas - birthdays - twenty one - teen - twin - brother - Joseph - sad - hurting - injured - father - grieving - dead - alive - lonely.

Empty - tomb - resurrection - glory - ascension - Heaven - rest - sleep - weary - burdens - Cross.

From golf to Cross. :P I think two interesting facts about it were that a) it showed that my mind can wander on one connected track and b) it could leap from one thing to another and still end up on a connected topic. :P Anyway.

Thirdly - I was listening to While I'm Waiting - the Fireproof version, on the way into work this morning. One of the lines caught my attention.
"You can't just follow your heart, man, cause your heart can be deceived! But you gotta lead your heart."
Recently I've ended up in the dilemma of being loved by a good man when loving someone else.
I know I'm needy for love and it would be easy to love back, though not with the depth already given to the guy I've loved for so long.
And I often puzzle over it and wonder, where does God want me, and am I following a fantasy or a dream and missing God's best?

The answer is pretty simple, as most often they can be; the additions our hearts add can just make it complicated.

I focus on God. Seeking for Him. Living for Him. Becoming like Him. He'll show me the way.

I just need to do that awful scary thing called trust.

If I lead my heart into God and His love, He'll show me the way and lead my feet into the path.

Fourthly and finally (don't cheer!) - when I was younger, determined to stay single and very feminist, I couldn't wait to get out of my home, get a job, become independent, provide for my family. Now I'm older (haha! I'M saying that!), and I know what I really want isn't a career but a home-based wife and mother. (Doesn't mean I'm going to decide against a career, I know that that is very feasibly the path I'm called to.)

I was thinkin' about what women say about how deprived they feel being the downtrodden housewife. It doesn't have to be like that. (Like you all know this already, I'm ranting anyway.)

Home education is there for a reason - it teaches the children, keeps the mother's mind fresh and still learning. You can always learn. Politics - radio and Twitter or Facebook. Understanding what's going on, keeping interested in things.

Marriage and life as a housewife isn't some old fashioned bondage or keeping you locked up in a house doing a daily grind routine. And I'm pretty sure it can get very daily-grindy. :P You don't even have to stay in the house day in and day out. (Like she's talking from sheer ignorance. Yes, but I do plan to be different.)

It's as much of a choice to enjoy being a housewife as it is for me to sing at work which I detest.

I know that if God grants me the joy of being a housewife and mother, then I will get frustrated on the daily rota, on hearing politics and things and feeling unable to change them. I'm the kind of gal that wants to be at the forefront and making the moves to change things myself.

But I'd be behind a man who needs a woman's love to support him in his leadership. That would be inspiring him further than he could go alone, helping him to God knows what potential, and also hopefully inspiring other people to what a woman's behind-the-scenes role can do.

I'd be raising a generation of children that I can inspire to change. That are special, unique and individual human beings who need love and devotion and infinite care, attention and love. They are their own beings, with character to form and lives to inspire. They are my future. My way of changing the world. The hand that rocks the cradle truly is the hand that rules the world.

Okay. Rant over. You knew all this already. It's just kinda...all...brimming in my head. So of course, steam-let-off place. ;)