Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Saturday, July 26, 2014

A Rant on the Perfect Marriage - Again

You hear it all the time.

Don't look for a man, look for God.
God can fulfill all your deepest needs and meet every desire.
The best man you can marry is a man that's looking for God more than you.

And you believe it. You innocently set off to try and follow God to the best of your ability, to pursue and look for and love and serve God.
You want a good marriage. You hope and pray God brings you a good man.

You watch other people start out - couples of faith with faith in God that falter...and fall...because a unique trial tests them at their weakest point, their most vulnerable point...and. they. fall. They stop. Give up.
Parents intervene. Oh, he wasn't for you. She wasn't Godly enough. Look at this flaw, look at that flaw, your friends say. Generational curses! Developmental faults!

Oh my gosh, why get married at all!? The fact that some people even are is a miracle.

Look at what you believe and look at the human race. Seven thousand years or so ago, God made two perfect people. They chose to disobey the one and only command God asked they comply with and unleashed a world of evil. Suddenly, their bodies are weak, and their children's bodies are inheriting genetic weaknesses. Physical. Mental. Emotional. They aren't perfect. And they deteriorate from generation to generation. Breakdown of genetics. It's going to happen. Result of the curse.

The idea of the perfect couple is mocked in all Christian circles, and so it should be. But is it really?

You can do better. You can do better. You can find someone who fits you right, who meets your needs, fulfills your desires. No, that's not what they're openly proclaiming. In fact, they're openly proclaiming the opposite. But they're not living it. Which is actually rather psychologically damaging.

You don't need someone who physically looks good! - but you need to be attracted to your spouse.
You don't need to find someone who is perfect! - but you need to make sure you're emotionally whole and well before thinking about marriage.

Where did the idea of laying your life down for the other person come into it?

Don't get me wrong, I haven't got all this figured out yet. I refuse to marry a man while choc-full of holes because all I attract - and all I do attract - are guys with holes. And they aren't mature guys with holes.
So maturity is a whole different level to having holes. It's not the holes you have. It's how you deal with the holes you have.

Post from Facebook earlier:
"Hey boys, stop pursuing holiness and start pursuing God.
Recognise the woman you're pursuing isn't an incarnation of holiness and is a flawed sinner just like you."

Deep down within us all is the knowledge we're missing something. Ever since the Curse. And we're looking for more. Always looking for something more.
Even when we are saved in Christ, we're still looking for more.
We're looking for the lost perfection that we should have, that our ancestors lost for us. We hope to find it in so many things.
Why?

Because we can't accept ourselves. Accept our holes. Accept who we are. To fully embrace the knowledge of our sin, we have to embrace the knowledge of who we are because of sin.
Accepting Christ as Lord and Saviour does not wave a magic wand over us and instantly complete us and remove our flaws. (I know I'm verging on heresy to some here, but seriously, guys, knock off your blinkers a sec and walk through this with me.) Sin removal and life change is a life change. Literally. It takes the rest of our lives to try to become like Jesus. Why? Not so we can achieve some level of random holiness.

"HEY LOOK! I SCORED POINT ELEVEN ON THE HOLINESS SCALE!"
Get off your scales and stop watching your holiness!

We try to become like Christ because we should love Him with all of our hearts and every essence of our beings! When you love someone, and how I know it, you want to be with them. (In a normal situation. Sin's created a few messed up scenarios around love.)
You want to know everything they're doing, what they're saying, study their emotions, facial expressions, what pleases them.

That's why we want to become like Christ. Not to gain perfection. But because we love Him. In Christ IS perfection. Accept you're not going to get that. In any source. Because you're missing it in yourself isn't going to mean you'll find it in your girlfriend. Or boyfriend.

Remember you aren't looking for completion, you're looking for a complement - someone who will push you towards God. Who will take every part of you to devotedly love and cause you to focus on Christ to love them.
And when I say devotedly, I mean devotedly.

Now go chew on that before you let your "attraction" and someone's "holiness scales" drive you to pursue their hand again and then dump them because they aren't "good enough".

If you aren't ready to step into marriage, quit pursuing a girl.
Not if you think you're ready for marriage. When you're actually ready for a commitment and a marriage.
Which actually usually means admitting you're not.

Also. Girls get very quickly attached. Even unawares. Just be aware of that when you step forward to pursue a heart openly.

Am I trying to scare you off pursuing a girl? Heck yeah.
Because men are the ones who admit they aren't ready. Admit they make mistakes. Admit that they'll never be able to do what needs to be done.
But say that I'm right, this is hard. Impossible. But I'm ready to love this woman like Jesus - selflessly. I'm ready to pursue her - to the end of my life. I'm going to fail - but I'm never going to stop trying. Because God thought she was worth it and so do I.

That is a mark of a man.

I'm trying to scare the boys from the men, and the man out of the boy.

I have seen too many broken hearts this year.

~Siân