Meet the Author's Author

Meet the Author's Author
Live for Jesus! That's what matters! That you see the light in me and come along! :)

Friday, May 16, 2014

No to Romance - For Me

So this post has been mentally debated for some time.
It would not only make my position clear to both me and those querying my stance on it, but also would leave me open to be debated and attacked. It would also make a guy's plan of wooing easier, but I guess that's now going to have to be where I stand my ground.

Please note: this is nothing that I'm preaching via the Bible. This is just my logical take on it, where I've grown to in the last six months since I lost my best friend and the guy I love.

These are the majority of the reasons I've chosen to stay single. There is another, but that I am keeping to myself. Yes, I'm a woman; I want the typical fairytale stuff of a Godly husband, happy home, kids, homeschooling. Happy endings etc.
However, I'm practical; I've observed my life and my lifestyle, I know my broken heart better than anyone else there can claim to, except God. I've chosen the path I have with care, for a reason.

Also note, I'm being completely blunt here and I absolutely didn't have to choose to lay myself open to any sneers, pity or concern. This is what I have thought through, prayed about and admitted mentally, which is why I've chosen the path I have. I feel certain enough of my decision to enable me to write these down.

These aren't very thorough or detailed - it was hard to get it all written down.
This also isn't out of spite or vengeance or pettiness; if not the first, I'm usually in the middle in congratulating my friends on their relationships/engagements/marriages whatever.


*Trust

I don't. Trust. Guys.

It's been said a hundred times in multiple ways. My dad sexually abused me; my brother physically abused me. I had mega issues before I made three guys my best friends.
J I speak to on and off, because circumstances tore us apart.
B is rarely around, and if he is, we never speak. Not since I lost Mr. C.
Mr. C. stayed for six years. I began loving him four years ago. It finally drove him away six months ago. We never speak but to fight nowadays, and that rarely. He resents me, and I can't go anywhere near him for the pain.

I've been involved in one way or another with fifteen guys (romantically or otherwise) in my short life. (You may now run for cover.)

I've had eight(?) guys in the role of best friend. There is one to this day who is still somewhat close to me who has not left, and although time and work makes it almost impossible to stay in touch, he tries. And he's defended me in the teeth of those who backbit me and tore my American family apart.
Thank you, Keifer.

People disappear. They leave by choice, by circumstance or by time. It's a thing in life. It's just the way they leave after the promises they make that leave the scars.

"Oh, be careful, little lips, what you say,
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray."

It was never that he rejected me, though that hurt like hell. It was that he lied to me.


*Commitment

The idea of committing myself to a long term relationship is terrifying. I've watched my mother marry four times, my brother and sister both marry twice. I have a repulsion to the idea of tying my life down to someone I have absolutely no confidence will stay the course.
Also, the idea of being with another person for the rest of my life is terrifying. I guess that would naturally happen since I love Mr. C and the idea of being with anyone else is horrific, but yah.

I could be in what I call a kiss-and-run very easily.
Short-term relationship, sure, no probs. It's what I've come to expect. It has an end, a place where I can get out and stop and breathe and go back to being myself.

And no, I don't want to "take it slow" or "date off or on". I know, mentally, that a commitment to a relationship is an all-or-nothing decision, heading towards marriage, and that is why I refuse to go the danger road - the short term road. For the sake of what I mentally know to be right, I reject what I would be comfortable with for the harder road - completely alone.


*Leaving

This kinda is explained in the trust and commitment sections. People leave; guys leave. I don't trust anyone to enter a relationship with me with the level of commitment I would have - though I expect them to reject me with a steadfast level of commitment. :P


*Fear

Fear is an overwhelming giant for me. Struggling to trust in God, when faced with something that makes me insecure, I'm left in point-blank terror, cowering or lashing out, trying to feel safe and secure. This, along with insecurity, makes a formidable barrier in any kind of relationship.
Though thankfully, I'm not scared of normal ones (friendships).


*Single life

Perhaps this may seem somewhat selfish, thrown into the balance. However, in considering a relationship with a guy I have absolutely no feelings whatsoever for, it will of course arise as a practicality.
My life is in a set order, Monday to Friday. I know what I want to do, can bend time to suit what it must. With other people making demands on my immediate attention, that is of course diminished.
I want to travel - again, boyfriends and relationships leave you with far too many ties to up and travel to another country.
Money, again, becomes even more limited. I have trouble enough remembering my best friends' birthdays and buying cards - forget adding a dude and his entire family to the list, plus travel/visiting money, plus paying for whatever-it-is-that-people-do-on-weird-date-things.


*Time

Time is limited and very precious. As a working woman, I spend/will spend more time in my life with my colleagues than I do with my family. (Not counting sleep hours.) What would be the point in taking from an already short schedule to spend a few brief hours with a dude who you then spend the rest of your life hardly seeing, except for a few short hours at night?
No thanks. I'm not a live-in sex machine, and neither is he.

(This is somewhat of why I would like to be a stay-at-home wife, which unfortunately is totally impractical in the circles I move in.)


*Guys I attract

- Weak

This sounds pretty terrible, and is probably the reason I will get most bashed. But. Most of the guys I've met are weaker than me. And I don't even know how to explain that.

- Need mothering

Guys that need mothering tend to be the ones that come to me - and behave like they need mothering but demand respect. Uh-huh. No way.

- Desperate

The best ones are the ones that have a simple list.
Christian
Pretty
Girl

You ask what kind of Christian - oh, the basics are fine. Pretty? Well, prettier than my ex.

That's sooooooo attractive. I really want to go out with you because all you want is a wife and I'm the nearest option. Duh. I'm not into flattery but that's not even nice. May be practical for you, but there's a tad more to marriage than a post-order wife.


*Mental knowledges and experience of men

What I know of men and what I've experienced of men are two very different things. So believe me when I say I struggle not to say negative things about men. You've probably seen some of my negative, but I could be a lot more feminist than what I am. What I know of men is the Biblical role they are described, and I attempt to respect them as equal human beings with a burden of leadership before God, broken and sinful as me.
But what I've experienced of them is far less than what the standard was supposed to be.


*Gene pool

My gene pool is negative in the best of lights. With red hair and blue eyes, I'm apparently one of the most mutant humans out. :P I have allergies that could kill me in my mid thirties and a skin condition. My brother has a mental health condition; my brother and my sister have epilepsy, my other brother has asthma.
With the decline in generations, the gene pool will only break down further and further.
I believe in tendencies to run in families - on one side, broken trust and divorces; on the other, abuse. It's very hard to break a chain once it's started. Fear breeds lashing out, lashing out breeds emotional abuse, emotional abuse twists mentally and can produce - anything.


*Empath

There's only ever been one person I couldn't completely read and that's because my emotions got in the way. The guy I love. That accounts for more insecurity than before, because whereas I'm normally nearly certain of myself, I never am when my emotions are overpowering. I then can't tell whether it's me misinterpreting them feeling that way, or them actually feeling that way.



I don't believe in falling in love. Well, I believe in attachments and crushing. I chose to love the guy I do. I still choose that. And until, if, God changes that love, I still choose it. As hard as it is.
Pure love.
Because love like that will serve him far better than any other kind could.

If you've seriously read, absorbed every part of it, understood and counted the cost, but choose to love/try to pursue me after this, congratulations for walking into the mouth of the lion. Lol!
At some point along the line, I was given up because, I think, of some of this (we'll ignore the fact that it may have been I wasn't pretty enough, Godly enough or something). These barriers, I doubt me not, are impassable.

~Siân

Saturday, May 10, 2014

God's Given Up On Me

Believe it or not, this was actually a planned post over the last couple of days. Because I tend to preach things when I'm struggling with them; post encouragement when I'm in desperate need of it; write words that I know are true to make myself believe them, as well as you.

I can't remember the original substance of this post, as hard as I'm trying to recall it and wind it in with what I'm writing now.

I write a lot on Twitter; in fact, I'm more open on Twitter than on Facebook because I feel safer. My tweets get lost in millions of others, and only two specific people watch my tweets to see how I am. So I thought.
I've received rebukes off people before for being too open, being too depressing. Watching my kids recently turn away from God and to despair added into the fact that I'm getting left behind by many of my friends as they enter college/leave college and-or get married was just part of the unconscious building up of "hard evidence" in my head that God was done with me.

In fact, I walked into my silent room in the silent house tonight and said aloud,
"So that's it, then. God's done with me. I love my job, love coming home and going online for a bit and then going to bed. I am doing everything with my life that I didn't want to do; I'm not a hero. I don't even want to change the world any more - I just want to curl up in the house and stay here. I don't help my kids; I don't help anybody. About the best I can do is write up my autobiography and that'll be it." And that is pretty much exactly what I said.

I walked out of my room, outside, got the washing in and sang (The Hills Are Alive, When I Survey and Amazing Grace :P) while grounding and then came to my laptop. Clear Facebook, watch Poirot, maybe chat, write a section of autobiography, then go to bed early (I'll explain that in a minute!). That was pretty much the substance of it.

(Aha, that was what the substance of this post was going to be. *lightbulb*)



"Siân, do you want me to wake you in the morning?" George asked.

Knowing that the parents were leaving at 5am, I refused. "My alarm clock'll wake me; it'll be fine."

I shut my laptop down at 00:46 (approx) and fell asleep.

Turning over, I glanced at the curtains of my single window and the cracks around my door. Broad daylight. _Ohmygosh_. I rolled out of bed and down the ladder (yes, I did roll down the ladder) and picked up my phone.

9 missed calls. 5 messages. 0945. For one fleeting second, I desperately hoped it was Saturday, but it wasn't. Oh. My. Gosh.

I have never thrown clothes on so fast, brushed my teeth and hair so fast or pasted on mascara so fast. I rang my manager as soon as I got into the living room and my Mom straight after to get her to pray, but she was in the petrol station. I mean, a couple of days after my contract is briefly extended and I sleep in like this.

Made it down to the station for 10:18...and the 10:24 was delayed. Ash text me, asking if I was okay and coming in today (as yesterday I'd had really bad dizzy spells and couldn't look down at all for half the day). I said I'd explain when I got in and that I was really sorry and furious at myself. He said not to worry, just breathe and relax and it would be okay.
There are definitely days when I'm very thankful for Ash. :)

Ach, trying to combat the self-abuse with Scripture and music...tis hard. :P
I rode into work on the train curiously peaceful (and by that I mean, I wasn't attacking myself mentally as much as usual; somehow, God gave me unexplainable peace). Even if I lose/lost my job, I know that "what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger," and He was with me.

Into work at 11:05, bags down and straight to my manager's desk. He was so nice about it...just said it was fine, they were worried about me after the email yesterday and that it happened to everyone. I was nearly in tears and he was almost chuckling at me. *smiles a bit*

All of the guys I work with were really nice about it...I could see God's kindness in the day.

Worked through lunch...Angela's presentation (she was leaving today :( )...then upstairs to training. The guys complimented me on training them well, which was very good. Their eagerness to do the work thoroughly and well also made me pretty happy. I enjoy working a lot with the guys, and my manager's complimented me on taking ownership of the team (what else do you expect from an ex-corporal? :P )

I was thoroughly intending to work through to last man standing, but my manager said I could make the two hours up next week. So with Mother Krissy waiting impatiently, I logged off and headed down the pub for Angela's leaving do. Krissy bought me a Coke (she mothers/looks after me so much XD) and I sat and watched the guys before Steve came and chatted to me until I left at half six.

As usual walking back, the way I was raised and the people I love caused questions to raise in my mind about the clothes I'm wearing and being at the pub. I don't have any problem with those, but how much am I standing out for Christ by doing them?
It's not like I make going down the pub a habit, though, and with my alcohol tolerance level steadily dropping, I no longer drink at all.
Then again, I love my colleagues, get along with them fairly well and know where I stand with them (aka, some don't like me, a lot tolerate/like me and a few genuinely like me).
I had the opportunity of going to Youth Group tonight, but turned it down due to the trekking around on public transport, plus late at night, plus I had to get home to the dogs, plus I feel...on edge. Christians are far more apt to judge other Christians, and for the wrong reasons, than even the world is, and there are only two people in the group that I feel certain of being comfortable around.

As I walked back to the train station, trying to fill the empty part inside with the music and reminding myself to keep marching on, I again tried to trust to God my fears that He had done with me, stopped using me.
The guy I love is gone. My USA family was taken. America is no longer a new beginning, no longer the land of second chances - I am fixed in a place where I'd hoped to get away from to start again, stop being the person I am watching myself become.

He's here. I'm trying to delight myself in the strange rest that is actually happening - enforcedly. For nearly five years, it's been constant struggle, trouble. And now, to the eyes of everyone, I have a pretty good life. Mom married and settled, living at home in a cottage in the country, good job - VERY good job for 21... It's never the material things, though, is it? :)
But physically, yes, it is restful. I'm kind of helping enforce the rest, for the first time.

Please note, I don't enjoy pain and there's been so much of it. When you constantly have one blow after another, though, and it suddenly stops - yes, you kind of panic.

Why am I being allowed to rest? Is some huge blow coming? Has God given up on me? Did He take Mr. C. away because He thought I was a failure and had no more chances at changing too?
Apparently not...
I mean, I'm still breathing. If God had finished with my life and was ready to take me home, then I wouldn't be breathing any more. :P

Moses.

Like what? Yes, Moses.

He had. The. Most traumatic childhood you could imagine.
From the day of his birth, he had people trying to kill him.
At three months, his mom puts him in a basket on a wild river regarded as a god and sends him to Heaven-knows-where.
Then he ends up floating to the feet of the daughter of the guy who issued an edict to kill him and the rest of his people. She likes him.
Taken back home, nursed by his own mother, then brought back to the palace and adopted as the grandson of his would-be-murderer.
Duh, yeah.
He lives a life of two identities - (he's fully aware of his Israelite heritage, remember) until he's forty, at which point he kills a man who's beating one of his slave-brothers and flees out of Egypt into THE DESERT with his adopted grandpa's hired murderers at his heels. Again.
For the second time in forty years, Moses is on active death threat from the guy with possibly the highest power in the known world.
Then he finds these random girls in the wilderness and stands up for them against a bunch of abusive male shepherds. Moses, probably sick of trying to do right by now, helps them out and gets their flock fed.

Then look. He's adopted by Reuel, their father, and given a daughter out of his seven. He's married, living with a family, in the humblest life imaginable - a shepherd.
Now, a shepherd isn't an easy life - don't get me wrong. Constantly on the look out for marauders, thieves, wild animals; constantly trying to find water in the wilderness to feed the flock; finding constantly wandering sheep. But after everything else, it had got to be like a new life. A restful life. Family. A wife. Sons. Steady job. Duh.
For another forty years. He had a lonnnnng rest.

That was before he unwillingly got dragged out of it to lead over a million people out of the land of Egypt with more death threats and complaints and trouble than he ever anticipated. His first forty years had to be peanuts compared to that.

But. My point was that God hadn't left him. Even when he thought he was alone and lost in the wilderness, God was still watching over him, preparing him for the time to come - the rougher time, but the better. Not in a king's palace with wealth and education, but on the King's mountain with tablets of stone, seeing God face to face.

But even constantly reminding yourself of Moses can get weary. For it's all one thing to watch God looking after you and remembering that He used someone in the past after a long period of rest, but now is now.


I got home and realised that I hadn't posted on Facebook a photo of what arrived yesterday - the tickets to the Julie Andrews concert next Saturday and an unexpected parcel (I just love those!) which was a book by Katie Lynn Daniels - Superhero of the Day.

I tried to read the signature but couldn't, and as I hadn't read any of the series before, I didn't get the label on the envelope. Due to it coming from Kentucky, I suspected Adrienne, but she quickly denied it. I thought it could be Katie herself, but I couldn't remember giving her my address.
So posting it on FB was the best way to unmask my mysterious sender. (Didn't that line sound good? ;) )

The caption was, "So these came in the post yesterday.
You can count me as one very excited young woman!

Still not sure who I'm blaming for the book. :P <3 <3 <3" and I tagged Katie in it, both as author and suspect. I'm actually going to post the entire comments section up for you, so if you want to skip, feel free. (Inserting a break here, because the text keeps turning into block text for no reason and bold sentences seem to cure it. :P )

Andrew Abraham: I wish I could put my hand up and say guilty but I can't. I've not even read this yet
16 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Adrienne Niceley: That. Book. Is. Awesome. Me and Lex LOVE it! Oh wait... that's one we haven't read yet but want to.... well the first book of that series is awesome and we love it!
16 hours ago · Edited · Unlike · 1

Siân Garner-Jones: Adrienne. It said Kentucky. Am I blaming you?
15 hours ago · Like

Adrienne Niceley: Nope, I am not to blame this time.
15 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Siân Garner-Jones: Katie, is it you?
15 hours ago · Like

Patricia Gallie: Thanks for straightening the picture!
15 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Andrew Abraham Adrienne Niceley of course it's awesome I've read all the other Supervillain of the Day books and Katie Lynn Daniels is one talented author.
15 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Siân Garner-Jones You're welcome. I was hoping I could get it straightened before you saw it, Grandma Pat.
15 hours ago · Like · 1

Katie Lynn Daniels Considering I'm the one who signed it...I should certainly hope it's me. I wrote a note to you in it and everything.
15 hours ago · Unlike · 2

Siân Garner-Jones HOW DID I MISS THOSE!?!? *flies back to the book and tacklehugs*

(At this point, I got up and went to fetch the book.)

Katie Lynn Daniels: Considering I'm the one who signed it...I should certainly hope it's me. I wrote a note to you in it and everything.
And the number of people admitting to not having read this one are making me feel considerably less guilty about taking so long to get the next one out. * eyeroll *
14 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Katie Lynn Daniels: Well, they're on the dedication, not the title page, for....reasons.
14 hours ago · Unlike · 1

Siân Garner-Jones: *sits down with stuffsies*
14 hours ago · Like

(Literally sat down and looked through all the bookmarks and papery things. And then opened it to the page where there was a knife to her throat. *end spoiler*)

Andrew Abraham: Sorry Katie monies are not co-operating. But I will get it for sure and give you a review
14 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones: OHMYGOSH.
14 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones: Okay. Forget this. Forget Doctor Who. *curls up with the book*

KATIE NEVER GIVE A BOOK TO AN ADDICT OKAY DEAR. V_V
14 hours ago · Edited · Like · 2

(At this point, I flipped back to the beginning of the book and it opened to the dedication page.

"For Sian
For being the bravest person I know
")


Siân Garner-Jones: ....
14 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones you did what.
14 hours ago · Like

(Then I read her message.

"Dear Sian, Your Twitter and FB updates break my heart. I don't know the details and I never know what to say - and so I am silent. And I worry sometimes that you think I don't care. But what can I _possibly_ say in response to everything you go through every day?

And so I wrote you a book. I hope you enjoy it and don't find me too presumptious.

With all my love,
Katie Lynn Daniels 4/16/2014"

...and started crying.

Katie and I are friends, and have chatted a couple of times, but not very frequently - so this had even more impact on me.)


Siân Garner-Jones: Can I talk to you?
14 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones: Like, please.
14 hours ago · Like

Katie Lynn Daniels: Yes, absolutely.
14 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones: Oh Katie.
14 hours ago · Like

Siân Garner-Jones: I'm crying but it's good tears, I promise.
14 hours ago · Like · 1

Siân Garner-Jones: I think Imma blog about this.

***

It's hard to write in text what that actually meant to me.

The amount of times I feel alone and forgotten are so, so often. The amount of times and consistency with which I forget how many people remember me daily in their prayers and thoughts is shameful.
I'm sorry.

I get so disheartened by the fact that few people seem to even follow what I'm doing/saying, and I know that it's not ME that it's about, and then I get scared that I want people to focus on me and not on Him, but I want to point to Him and feel like I'm failing...

To find that in my narrowing world of cyclic routine that someone breaks the "chain of evidence that God isn't using me"...someone from the other side of the world follows what I'm going through, silently cares and uses her talent to reach out to tell me that she loves and cares in such a strong way...such a hard way...that my life has made an impact on her...
That God is still using me. Even though I can't see it.
Watching God use her to bless me.
To touch me.
To signpost that He's not done yet.

As Mama says,
"More are seeing than you will ever know. Keep doing what you know is right and leave the results up the Lord."

Thank you, Katie, for making far more of an impact than I think you were expecting. Thank you for being surrendered to the Lord and letting Him use you. Thank you for blessing me and I pray it is returned to you over and over again. <3 <3 <3
Oh, and. Congratulations on managing to hear even a word of what I said...never mind my accent. :P


This post is getting long and if you've read this far, congratulations!
I'll sign off now, but - I pray this will bless you too.
God's not done with you as long as you've got breath in your body, no matter if you can see results or not. Keep following where He's leading, no matter how plain the path or how long the road.
He is worth your life.
I promise.


In His Name I stand,
~Siân

Monday, May 05, 2014

Bank Holiday Monday

Plaits.
Jumper.
Jeans.
Trainers.
MP3 player.

Yep, about to do something I haven't done in years, since I started to go for runs with Gemma as a prelude to training for the RAF. (I never did train.)
Go for a quick jog around the block, down the lane, shortcut across the fields, down the road, right wheel down another road and then back to the house.

Started playing Battle Scars and fast paced down the road. I have psychological problems with running in front of visible people (got teased about running when I was about 6/7) so waited til I'd got a bit down the country path past the people before I began to run.

I had a few issues. :P Not the least of which was, of course, being a lot out of condition.

The problem, ignoring the breathing and the body heat, was the muscle pain. A lot of muscle pain. Which would normally involve limping and favouring my game leg.

Buuuut...what was the point in running for three minutes and then giving up? Maybe I couldn't run, (the lightheadness :P ) but I could fastpace.

Which I did.

I have to admit, the physical pain was good...not because I like hurting, but because I know it's going to stretch and grow my muscles. Plus. It was one over on the emotional pain.

And the exercise always makes my brain think that much faster, process that much quicker, be more creative.

Sound like anything else? :P

So yeah, fast pace around the rest of the field, onto the road headed towards home.

I watched a guy coming towards me with a full bag (like, a postal bag) of garden stuff in his arms. He looked at the steep grassy incline going up to his house, and then gave a glance at the road going around it, which was far less steep.
The steep part was the shortcut.
He chose it, and struggled up the incline, barely able to see where he was going, to his house.

Bit like life...
We carry a full bag of stuff - it's called life.
We have a choice to reach Heaven - we can take the easy smooth road and reach Heaven and sanctification there, or we can go up the steep incline with stretched muscles and struggling to see - make the choice to become like Jesus down here, no matter how hard it is.

Some of us already have the hard road. The question for us is whether we're going to ditch the opportunity to grow because we want the easy road and the easy way out, or whether we're going to fight through and grow towards Him.

Stretched muscles for me. He's worth every minute of growth, so I can become like Him and help others to see Him.

Five rounds of Battle Scars later, I wheel round the corner of the house, fishing the keys out of my pocket and open the door, fast pace to my laptop.

Plaits disheveled.
Body sticky.
Face flushed like it's been sunburned.
Muscles twanging.
Hands shaking with adrenaline.

Sit down, begin to type.

Don't. Stop. March. On.


Oh, and it's clearing my lungs. :P

In Him,
~Siân

Sunday, May 04, 2014

Battle Scars

The lovely Katie Comstock posted this on her blog recently and sent me a link.

Now I share it with you, and pray that those who need to read it will read - and listen to - it.


This is an anthem for the homesick, for the beaten,
The lost and broke, the defeated -
A song for the heartsick, for the standbys,
Living life in the shadow of a goodbye.
Do you remember when we learned how to fly?
We'd play make-believe we were young and had time on our side.
You're stuck on the ground; got lost, can't be found.
Just remember that you're still alive.

I'll carry you home; no, you're not alone.
Keep marching on - this is worth fighting for.
You know, we've all got battle scars.
You've had enough.
But just don't give up.
Stick to your guns; you are worth fighting for.
You know, we've all got battle scars.
Keep marching on.

This is a call to the soldiers, the fighters,
The young, the innocent and righteous.
We've got a little room to grow; better days are near.
Hope is so much stronger than fear.
So if you jump, kid, don't be scared to fall;
We'll be kings and queens in this dream - all for one, one for all.
You can light up the dark - there's a fire in your heart
Burning brighter than ever before.

I'll carry you home; no, you're not alone.
Keep marching on - this is worth fighting for.
You know, we've all got battle scars.
You've had enough.
But just don't give up.
Stick to your guns; you are worth fighting for.
You know, we've all got battle scars.
Keep marching on.

On and on, like we're living on a broken record.
Hope is strong, but misery's a little quicker.
Sit and we wait and we drown there.
Thinking, "Why bother play when it's unfair?"
They say life's a waste, I say they lack belief.
They tell me luck will travel; I tell them that's why I've got feet.
Left, right, left, right -
Moving along to the pulse of a heartbeat.
This could be the last chance you have to fly.
Do you like the ground? Want it to pass you by?
You had it all when you were just a kid.
Do you even remember who you were back then?
What do you want in life? Will you be twice as strong?
What would you sacrifice? What are you waiting on?
Don't. Stop. March. On.

I'll carry you home.
No, you're not alone.
Keep marching on.
This is worth fighting for.
You know, we've all got battle scars.
You'd had enough, but just don't give up.
Stick to your guns; you are worth fighting for!
You know, we've all got battle scars.
Keep marching on.

Keep marching on!




May He hold you and lead you home.

~Siân